I'm just going to say it. I hate breastfeeding. Ironically said as I sit here breastfeeding my son. (I finally got smart and installed blogger on my phone as it's the only way I'm ever going to get around updating).
But seriously y'all. I hate it. Yet like an addict I continue doing it. My husband sees how much I struggle and is fine with me stopping. But for some reason I carry so much guilt about quitting. I've lasted 2 months so far. Which is 2 months actually longer than I actually thought I'd last considering all the issues I had with supply and latching. And maybe that's why I'm so reluctant to give it up. Because I fought so hard to get here. I'm still supplementing with formula. But my supply is better than where it was.
I wish I could quit and feel good about it. But I'm not at that point yet I guess. I just keep thinking to myself "if I can just get on a good feeding and pumping schedule then maybe it won't be so bad". But that's what I'm having the hardest time with. Because I swear EVERYTIME I get on the pump my kid knows. And decides to cry. Momma cannot pick you up with all this shit connected to her boobies kid.
Also I'm sure the fact that I'm sleep deprieved isn't helping me love this whole process. And the fact that homeboy falls asleep on the boob and doesn't get a full meal for his night feeds isn't helping either.
Anyway, I just needed to vent. For now I'll continue on with the torture that is breastfeeding. LOL.
