Time Flies...

OMG, has it really been 3 months since I last posted??? Life is hectic, crazy, out of control... but I am loving every minute of it with my sweet sweet SIX MONTH OLD boy! Yes... 6 months, say WHAT!

Where has the time gone?! Not only do I have a 6-month old, but my sweet cousin, Nicky's godmother got married on his 6-month birthday! Coincidentally she got engaged the day he was born! So yes, that has taken up a lot of time as well.

Mommy and Daddy's big night out!

Mostly I have been a slave to work. I tell ya, it is NOT easy to work full time from home AND take care of a strong-willed, active baby! He is a complete joy to be around and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I am one exhausted mama. Oh yeah, and we've been house hunting for the past 3 months. We may have something in the works, but as the first house our offer was accepted on in April fell through, i'm not holding my breath or getting too invested until the keys to the new place are in our hands!

Anyway, onto the good stuff....

this guy...

I'm 6 months old!

melts.my.heart.

Check out my muscles!

the laughter, the smiles, the funny faces, the rolling over, the trying to crawl.... it's amazing. and i'm trying to cherish every single second since he is growing by leaps and bounds by the minute!

leaps and bounds = my baby is a giant. he is a whopping 19 pounds, 14 oz.... say WHAAAAAT! 90th percentile for weight... hehehe, and 50th percentile for height at 27"...

Loves: Sophie the giraffe, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, his exersaucer, his lovey, bananas, apples, sweet potatoes and squash baby food, anything dog related including Scooter (though Scooter sadly does not reciprocate his love)

Hates: getting the snot sucked out with the Nose Freida or anything related to his boogers, pear baby food, staying still for too long, his car seat - ugh.

Milestones: rolling front to back and vice versa, up to crawling position on hands and knees (but can't figure out how to move), sitting up (assisted, if i don't hold him, he usually topples within a minute or two), eating Level 1 baby foods, can hold his own bottle and get it into his mouth (though randomly lets go and doesn't realize he needs to hold it to have the actual milk).

Hoping work slows down a bit (i literally work/take care of baby during the day, and then work all night every night) so i can get back to the blog... contemplating the fate of this blog as i'm no longer technically on an IF journey anymore...

Hope all my friends in the trenches are doing well, i still read and follow, it's just becoming harder and harder... they need to make days have more than 24 hours i think!

Making Peace...

Well folks, I'm officially throwing in the towel. I've finally made peace with giving up breastfeeding. I made it to 3 months which is a quarter of my original goal. 

And yes I know breastfeeding is hard and it takes lots of dedication. And I'm still open to breastfeeding in the future. But for now I think I'll be happier once I'm done with it and proud of myself for sticking with it for the 3 months that I did. (And probably by the time I completely wean it will be closer to 4 months).

Even as ive been (almost) exclusively pumping for the past couple of weeks I've still had to majorly supplement with formula. And I started to get sick last week and my low supply took another hit. I wasn't eating or drinking enough, I was stressed, and having a baby that likes to wake up multiple times during the night just wasn't helping. And that's when it was decided. 

So I'm cutting myself some slack and saying it's ok. I got 3 months in and that is pretty good in my book.

Sometimes I Cry...

Sometimes I cry...

... Tears of pure joy in knowing I'm his mommy

... Tears of thankfulness that he is happy and healthy

... Tears of sadness for all my friends who are still struggling to make their dream a reality

... Tears of happiness to think of all the friends that have gotten to experience the same joys of motherhood that I now experience. 

... Tears of remembrance of how strong this journey has made me and how i would go thru it again in a heartbeat if it means holding this sweet boy in my arms

... Tears of disbelief that he is really mine forever.

Guilt

I'm just going to say it. I hate breastfeeding. Ironically said as I sit here breastfeeding my son. (I finally got smart and installed blogger on my phone as it's the only way I'm ever going to get around updating).

But seriously y'all. I hate it. Yet like an addict I continue doing it. My husband sees how much I struggle and is fine with me stopping. But for some reason I carry so much guilt about quitting. I've lasted 2 months so far. Which is 2 months actually longer than I actually thought I'd last considering all the issues I had with supply and latching. And maybe that's why I'm so reluctant to give it up. Because I fought so hard to get here. I'm still supplementing with formula. But my supply is better than where it was.

I wish I could quit and feel good about it. But I'm not at that point yet I guess. I just keep thinking to myself "if I can just get on a good feeding and pumping schedule then maybe it won't be so bad". But that's what I'm having the hardest time with. Because I swear EVERYTIME I get on the pump my kid knows. And decides to cry. Momma cannot pick you up with all this shit connected to her boobies kid.

Also I'm sure the fact that I'm sleep deprieved isn't helping me love this whole process. And the fact that homeboy falls asleep on the boob and doesn't get a full meal for his night feeds isn't helping either. 

Anyway, I just needed to vent. For now I'll continue on with the torture that is breastfeeding. LOL.