So where do I start? When we first started our TTC journey, there weren't too many people that we told. Sure, some friends knew that we were "trying" and I was naieve enough to think that we would get pregnant right away. After about 6 months of trying on our own and then going to get checked by the RE, we told a few more people that we were doing Clomid and IUI. We thought IUI would definitely work and just needed the extra "push" of the meds to get us going.
The IUI process for us ended up being a very long one, with half of our cycles being natural, due to cysts and other issues. And along the way, we kept friends up to speed more or less. Though the entire time, I kept quiet about it with my boss at work. Until we started the IVF process and I realized that I would have to say something in case I needed the time off. By then, I'd say a handful of people knew. And I was fine with being open about what I was going through, and the entire process.
Until now.
5 days away from Beta. And my feelings have TOTALLY changed. SIGH. Almost to the point where I wish that no one knew what was going on. I don't know why I'm being so sensitive about it, and I can't even really explain it to hubby, who does not get what the "big deal" is. I just feel like this is something so personal. I mean, first of all, I don't want people talkin bout my girl parts... its just not cool. I don't go around asking people how their penises are... don't ask me how my uterus is! (OK, not literally, but yes, one time, my BIL asked me how were my ovaries feeling?! Like SERIOUSLY?! EW, creep!)
I guess I just feel like these friends are putting pressure on me. And I know that's totally ridiculous to feel. But after everything we've been through, after every failed attempt, after let downs month after month... I know our friends genuinely care and are concerned and want the best for us. I know that. But, if this doesn't work, or if we have a miscarriage (a word hubby doesn't even like me to say, because I am "jinxing" us") then I have to tell everyone THAT too.
So I guess I'm curious to know how anyone else out there has handled this process. Am I crazy for feeling the way I do? How do I handle the situation from here on out when people do ask? There are a couple exceptions to my rule about who I want to know after Beta #1. My mom and 3 friends that have been there with me from Day 1 of this, and who have been through IF treatments. They GET it. I just feel like other people, though they have good intentions, don't.
So far, even though our Beta is Monday, Labor Day, i'm telling people it's not until Friday. Is that wrong of me? I figure by that point, I'll have at least had a second beta and can see if our numbers start doubling. Even then after that Friday, I'm still trying to figure out what to say to people. I'm not ready for congratulations from people that haven't personally dealt with infertility... that sounds so f*cked up. I know... Anyway, sorry for this rambling post, but i'd love to get some responses to this.
*S
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
3dp5dt
Here we are at Tuesday... i'm feeling a bit antsy today... don't think it's because of the 2ww. Moreso, just not wanting to be at work on a gorgeous day!
Hubby was at the gym today, and found this!
An angel penny! Called me and told me that he knows i'm pregs and it's a sign from God! I sure hope he's right, that would be a great Godwink! If it turns out that I am pregs, I'm going to take the angel penny and make it into a necklace. :) one can only hope!
Other than that, no symptoms present... i've been dutifully taking my estrace, inserting the crinone, and taking my prenatal gummy vits... so doing all I can to hopefully keep these babies marinating. LOL.
Today implantation would be starting, so dig in babies! Monday cannot come soon enough!
*s
Hubby was at the gym today, and found this!
An angel penny! Called me and told me that he knows i'm pregs and it's a sign from God! I sure hope he's right, that would be a great Godwink! If it turns out that I am pregs, I'm going to take the angel penny and make it into a necklace. :) one can only hope!
Other than that, no symptoms present... i've been dutifully taking my estrace, inserting the crinone, and taking my prenatal gummy vits... so doing all I can to hopefully keep these babies marinating. LOL.
Today implantation would be starting, so dig in babies! Monday cannot come soon enough!
*s
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Transfer Day!
Transfer day was yesterday. We got the call early Saturday that there were 2 great looking blasts waiting for transfer and 4 (possibly to be 5) that were going to be good to freeze.
So at 10:30, hubby, ma dukes and I (and a LOT of water) headed to the clinic for the transfer. For some reason, I felt more anxiety going for this procedure than I did on Monday. I don't know why, but I think that knowing this is the last step, and knowing, there's nothing left to do but wait after this, just had me feeling quite anxious.
Luckily, I had an acupuncturist meet me there and the acupuncture really helped to calm me down. She also said that 70% of her patients that did acupuncture in the office at the transfer ended up pregnant. Who knows if that's really true, but it gave us some extra hope!
The procedure itself was... uncomfortable to say the least. I mean, its not like my bladder was super full or anything LOL, but I was DYING on that table trying not to pee all over the doctors. I heard them mention that my uterus was curved so they were having a bit of a hard time getting the catheter to the spot. But they did get it in there and popped my little blasts into place.
And then the inevitable happened.... I had to use..... the bedpan. After drinking more than 32 oz (half gallon) of water in 2 hours, there was no way I was going to be able to hold it anymore. Luckily the nurses are used to this sort of thing, but still semi-embarassing.
After another acupuncture session and laying semi-inverted for 30 minutes it was home for bedrest for the rest of the day (and into today). I think I slept like 20 hours out of sheer boredom! And that's where we are right now. Hopefully these two little bambinos are getting ready to implant themselves and continue to grow. I can only pray and leave it in God's hands at this point!
 |
| our 2 little blasts! |
So at 10:30, hubby, ma dukes and I (and a LOT of water) headed to the clinic for the transfer. For some reason, I felt more anxiety going for this procedure than I did on Monday. I don't know why, but I think that knowing this is the last step, and knowing, there's nothing left to do but wait after this, just had me feeling quite anxious.
Luckily, I had an acupuncturist meet me there and the acupuncture really helped to calm me down. She also said that 70% of her patients that did acupuncture in the office at the transfer ended up pregnant. Who knows if that's really true, but it gave us some extra hope!
The procedure itself was... uncomfortable to say the least. I mean, its not like my bladder was super full or anything LOL, but I was DYING on that table trying not to pee all over the doctors. I heard them mention that my uterus was curved so they were having a bit of a hard time getting the catheter to the spot. But they did get it in there and popped my little blasts into place.
And then the inevitable happened.... I had to use..... the bedpan. After drinking more than 32 oz (half gallon) of water in 2 hours, there was no way I was going to be able to hold it anymore. Luckily the nurses are used to this sort of thing, but still semi-embarassing.
After another acupuncture session and laying semi-inverted for 30 minutes it was home for bedrest for the rest of the day (and into today). I think I slept like 20 hours out of sheer boredom! And that's where we are right now. Hopefully these two little bambinos are getting ready to implant themselves and continue to grow. I can only pray and leave it in God's hands at this point!
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Day 3 and then there were 9
Called the embryologist bright and early this morning to see if today's Day 3 transfer was happening, and the report was that there are 9 eight-cell embryos, none of which are "perfect" but are all growing about the same and looking about the same. So for now the plan is to hold off and do the transfer on Day 5 to see how they look on Saturday.
I'm relieved that we finally have a solid date/time to get this done!
A few questions going thru my mind... feel free to chime in with answers.
Anyway, i'm sure i'll be googling away from now til saturday morning! LOL!
I'm relieved that we finally have a solid date/time to get this done!
A few questions going thru my mind... feel free to chime in with answers.
- How many days of bed rest after transfer should i have? pretty sure my clinic says just the day of... though since we're transferring on a saturday, i might as well relax it up on sunday too right? If i do sunday, do i need to be as strict?
- Once they transfer the blasts in, am i "technically" pregnant? I mean, i guess i'm not considering myself "officially" pregnant til at least the first beta -- possibly like the third, but once those blasts are IN my body, is that considered "pregnant"?
- Being that i'll have to wait (up to) 2 weeks for the beta, do i need to do things like not eat sushi, certain cheeses and deli meats? How does that all work?
- How much more acupuncture should i do?
Anyway, i'm sure i'll be googling away from now til saturday morning! LOL!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
What Happens After an Embryo Transfer?
Saving this link so i can go back and look at it to see what's going down in my body.
Thanks to Still a Mama Wannabe for posting it for us!
Thanks to Still a Mama Wannabe for posting it for us!
What Happens After an Embryo Transfer?
Retrieval Day
So Sunday i was back at the RE for a quick blood draw and to get instructions for the following morning. I also got another vein blown out, my arms are a "hot mess" as was told to me by my nurse. LOL
Monday, bright and early, we arrived for the procedure... funny enough, i wasn't nervous at all! Which is weird, because usually i would be totally nervous. I attribute it to the acupuncture in really helping my stress levels and helping to relax me.
They brought me to the pre/post op area, went over some things, and started my IV (in the non hot mess arm). Then i kissed hubby good bye and was off to the OR. They laid me down, had me tell them my information and that is the last damn thing i remember!
Next thing i know, i'm waking up back in the post-op area and the procedure was done! Easy freaking peasy! I love anesthesia. LOL. Apparently my hubby thought it would be fun to record my loopiness, as i was drifting in and out. The pain wasn't bad at all, mild cramps, and i was discharged within the hour. We had a small hiccup with my IV when they changed out the bag, they didn't turn the nozzle to direct it into my arm, so it ended up dripping all over my arm for a good 10-15 minutes, so my whole left side was soaked. I kept saying, "i think my arm is wet" but no one was paying attention to the loopy girl! After I finally looked down, because by then i was like, "is my arm bleeding?", the nurse realized what happened and fixed everything.
Now for the good news... we got 14 eggs! And then found out yesterday morning that 12 fertilized. Yay!
Now we have to call tomorrow to see if the embies have progressed enough to do a day 3 transfer (thursday) or if we'll do a day 5 transfer (saturday). i can't believe this is it and i could be pregnant with TWINS no less in the next two weeks. I am PRAYING at least one of those little embies stick... it would really be so amazing.
For now, all i can do is take things day by day... going to the John Mayer concert tonight with some girlfriends. At least that will provide a fun distraction til tomorrow morning!
*S
Monday, bright and early, we arrived for the procedure... funny enough, i wasn't nervous at all! Which is weird, because usually i would be totally nervous. I attribute it to the acupuncture in really helping my stress levels and helping to relax me.
They brought me to the pre/post op area, went over some things, and started my IV (in the non hot mess arm). Then i kissed hubby good bye and was off to the OR. They laid me down, had me tell them my information and that is the last damn thing i remember!
Next thing i know, i'm waking up back in the post-op area and the procedure was done! Easy freaking peasy! I love anesthesia. LOL. Apparently my hubby thought it would be fun to record my loopiness, as i was drifting in and out. The pain wasn't bad at all, mild cramps, and i was discharged within the hour. We had a small hiccup with my IV when they changed out the bag, they didn't turn the nozzle to direct it into my arm, so it ended up dripping all over my arm for a good 10-15 minutes, so my whole left side was soaked. I kept saying, "i think my arm is wet" but no one was paying attention to the loopy girl! After I finally looked down, because by then i was like, "is my arm bleeding?", the nurse realized what happened and fixed everything.
Now for the good news... we got 14 eggs! And then found out yesterday morning that 12 fertilized. Yay!
Now we have to call tomorrow to see if the embies have progressed enough to do a day 3 transfer (thursday) or if we'll do a day 5 transfer (saturday). i can't believe this is it and i could be pregnant with TWINS no less in the next two weeks. I am PRAYING at least one of those little embies stick... it would really be so amazing.
For now, all i can do is take things day by day... going to the John Mayer concert tonight with some girlfriends. At least that will provide a fun distraction til tomorrow morning!
*S
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
2 Shots
So today is already 1 day post retrieval. But first I want to backtrack and tell you about the weekend and the last shots I had to do.
I went into the dr on Saturday morning (its sort of a pain to have to go on the weekends because the satellite offices are closed and the main office is about 40 minutes away). But i trekked in there anyway for my blood test. They told me to trigger that night and then to come in Sunday for more bloodwork to make sure the trigger worked. Cool beans...
Off I go to my acupuncture appointment, which is an hour in the opposite direction, and of course as I'm getting out of that appt, the dr calls with the instructions to do the trigger shot, but also to add back in ONLY the follistim. I'm guessing there were a few eggs that they just wanted to try to get a bit larger before the retrieval. This would have all been fine and dandy, except... I didn't have any follistim left! Sooooo, i had to trek all the way back to Somerset to the dr's office so they could give me a Follistim to use, and then I would have to order it from the pharmacy and replace it once I got it. UGH. Have I mentioned that no meds are covered by insurance at all? So $560 for 1 cartridge of Follistim later, I should be getting it delivered today and can replace the one they gave me.
Later that afternoon (after a day of fighter with the hubby, ugh, i won't even get into THAT) we were off to the NY Jets game. My hubby is a Jets FA-NA-TIC. He has season tickets and goes to every game. The new rule for all NFL games is that you can't bring purses into the stadium. And I had a lunch cooler packed with needles and medications! It was surprising that it was relatively easy to get everything in, we just had to get clearance from security, everyone assumed it was diabetes meds... isn't that fun? And we were on our way. I had to do 2 shots. The follistim at 8:30 and the HCG trigger at 10. I was a bit nervous about having to do these out in public, but i figured the Follistim would be simple since it was in a pen, and you basically dial the dose and shoot up.
Here was where we made a "mistake". At 8:30, hubby accompanied me to use the "Family Restroom". Basically a larger private restroom with the toilet, sink and changing table all in one room. This was perfectly ideal. As I was preparing everything, the guy who had been waiting behind us, starts shouting "Come on in there! Hurry up!" and BANGING ON THE DOOR!! Like for reals??? Dude, i am highly hormonal and trying to give myself a shot and you are banging on the door like a child??? Not to mention you have a child in your arms??? And there is a men's room about 500 ft away? OK, so i get thru the shot, put everything away and we open the door. As we are walking past the rude asshole, he has the nerve to say to me, "were you holding it for him?" Well that pretty much set my hubby off. He said, "my wife had to inject medications into herself you f*cking asshole!" and the guy pushes past us (with kid, who was at least 4 or 5) and shuts the door. So my sometimes hot-headed italian hubby kicks the door like the guy had been doing to us! Which then the guy (from the inside) goes apeshit and starts kicking and pounding on the door back! WITH HIS KID INSIDE!!!
I just couldn't even believe it. Security rushes over, and Gary tells him the guy in the bathroom was harassing me and is the one banging on the door from the inside, so they let us go!
It just makes me SO mad that that guy probably had NO problem conceiving his kid and look at what an asshole he is! And what a jerk his kid will probably turn out to be having that guy as a father... life is just not fair sometimes.
I smartened up and went to the first aid station to do the 10pm HCG shot. Being that i had to mix that one, i wasn't taking any chances in getting interrupted. And it went completely smoothly except that one hurt like the dickens.
Sunday I was back at the dr and cleared to go for retrieval on Monday!
I went into the dr on Saturday morning (its sort of a pain to have to go on the weekends because the satellite offices are closed and the main office is about 40 minutes away). But i trekked in there anyway for my blood test. They told me to trigger that night and then to come in Sunday for more bloodwork to make sure the trigger worked. Cool beans...
Off I go to my acupuncture appointment, which is an hour in the opposite direction, and of course as I'm getting out of that appt, the dr calls with the instructions to do the trigger shot, but also to add back in ONLY the follistim. I'm guessing there were a few eggs that they just wanted to try to get a bit larger before the retrieval. This would have all been fine and dandy, except... I didn't have any follistim left! Sooooo, i had to trek all the way back to Somerset to the dr's office so they could give me a Follistim to use, and then I would have to order it from the pharmacy and replace it once I got it. UGH. Have I mentioned that no meds are covered by insurance at all? So $560 for 1 cartridge of Follistim later, I should be getting it delivered today and can replace the one they gave me.
Later that afternoon (after a day of fighter with the hubby, ugh, i won't even get into THAT) we were off to the NY Jets game. My hubby is a Jets FA-NA-TIC. He has season tickets and goes to every game. The new rule for all NFL games is that you can't bring purses into the stadium. And I had a lunch cooler packed with needles and medications! It was surprising that it was relatively easy to get everything in, we just had to get clearance from security, everyone assumed it was diabetes meds... isn't that fun? And we were on our way. I had to do 2 shots. The follistim at 8:30 and the HCG trigger at 10. I was a bit nervous about having to do these out in public, but i figured the Follistim would be simple since it was in a pen, and you basically dial the dose and shoot up.
Here was where we made a "mistake". At 8:30, hubby accompanied me to use the "Family Restroom". Basically a larger private restroom with the toilet, sink and changing table all in one room. This was perfectly ideal. As I was preparing everything, the guy who had been waiting behind us, starts shouting "Come on in there! Hurry up!" and BANGING ON THE DOOR!! Like for reals??? Dude, i am highly hormonal and trying to give myself a shot and you are banging on the door like a child??? Not to mention you have a child in your arms??? And there is a men's room about 500 ft away? OK, so i get thru the shot, put everything away and we open the door. As we are walking past the rude asshole, he has the nerve to say to me, "were you holding it for him?" Well that pretty much set my hubby off. He said, "my wife had to inject medications into herself you f*cking asshole!" and the guy pushes past us (with kid, who was at least 4 or 5) and shuts the door. So my sometimes hot-headed italian hubby kicks the door like the guy had been doing to us! Which then the guy (from the inside) goes apeshit and starts kicking and pounding on the door back! WITH HIS KID INSIDE!!!
I just couldn't even believe it. Security rushes over, and Gary tells him the guy in the bathroom was harassing me and is the one banging on the door from the inside, so they let us go!
It just makes me SO mad that that guy probably had NO problem conceiving his kid and look at what an asshole he is! And what a jerk his kid will probably turn out to be having that guy as a father... life is just not fair sometimes.
I smartened up and went to the first aid station to do the 10pm HCG shot. Being that i had to mix that one, i wasn't taking any chances in getting interrupted. And it went completely smoothly except that one hurt like the dickens.
Sunday I was back at the dr and cleared to go for retrieval on Monday!
Friday, August 16, 2013
Chugging Along & Possible Retrieval Date!
Still here, chugging along... 2 more shots to the gut last night. And what a big fat gut it's becoming. Holy bloating Batman, people are going to soon mistake me for Shamu. Or at least that's how it feels. I technically have only gained about 2lbs, but i just feel like my weight has been distributed differently. Coupled with the uncomfortable feeling of tennis ball sized ovaries, and two nice sized bruises on my stomach from hitting blood vessels (oops), i feel hot!
i'm crossing my fingers that tonight will be the last night of shots... which would mean that retrieval day would be Monday! Whoo hoo!
I'm awaiting a phone call from my dr this afternoon once the bloodwork comes back, and then another appointment tomorrow morning... and then hopefully we're off! And this would be especially good since I'm on my last cartridge of Follistim, and I really don't want to have to buy more...
So IF retrieval is Monday... Transfer would either be Thursday or Saturday. And then a nice long, excruciating 2ww, and then HOPEFULLY i will be pregnant! Dare I say that? We're putting 2 embies in, so i COULD potentially be knocked up with TWINS! EEK!!!
Happy Friday, will check in over the weekend with an update!
*S
i'm crossing my fingers that tonight will be the last night of shots... which would mean that retrieval day would be Monday! Whoo hoo!
I'm awaiting a phone call from my dr this afternoon once the bloodwork comes back, and then another appointment tomorrow morning... and then hopefully we're off! And this would be especially good since I'm on my last cartridge of Follistim, and I really don't want to have to buy more...
So IF retrieval is Monday... Transfer would either be Thursday or Saturday. And then a nice long, excruciating 2ww, and then HOPEFULLY i will be pregnant! Dare I say that? We're putting 2 embies in, so i COULD potentially be knocked up with TWINS! EEK!!!
Happy Friday, will check in over the weekend with an update!
*S
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Cheaper by the Dozen
Even though yesterday i went in for only bloodwork and wasn't supposed to have another dr appointment til tomorrow, i was called in a day early for an ultrasound. Apparently my body responds pretty well to the meds (as evident by what feels like my ovaries wanting to pop out of my torso) and my estrogen levels were high enough for them to want to check me out. Currently I'm taking 300iu of Follistim and 2 vials of Menopur and have done this for 3 days now.
So this morning as it was absolutely pouring and i had to drop the pup off to grandma's house (i do this every morning so he doesn't have to spend the day alone), and i knew i had a 9:30 meeting at work, i was praying that the line in the waiting room wouldn't be that long. And i totally lucked out... i walked in and was taken right back! Bazinga!
The physician's assistant did the ultrasound, and i had 4 follies on the right ranging from 9-10mm and 9 follies on the right ranging from 9-14mm. Though, of those 9, 1 is most definitely a cyst since they had found that cyst on Saturday. So a dozen follies to start out with... not bad for 3 days of meds.
With that said, i'm hoping to only have to go to Day 7 or 8 with the stims... main reason being, i don't think i'll have enough Follistim or Menopur to get me through more days than that. So cross your fingers for me that i'm an egg factory and just keep producing/growing these eggs. (Bak, bak... said in my best chicken voice).
One super fun side effect... other than the fact that i feel like my ovaries are about to bust through my jeans.... the hot flashes i started having last night. Holy hell, i woke up SWEATING... asked the hubs if he was hot, as he looked at me like i was nuts. i thought i was going to have to go stand in front of the freezer to cool down. Am i the only one with these crazy symptoms??
So this morning as it was absolutely pouring and i had to drop the pup off to grandma's house (i do this every morning so he doesn't have to spend the day alone), and i knew i had a 9:30 meeting at work, i was praying that the line in the waiting room wouldn't be that long. And i totally lucked out... i walked in and was taken right back! Bazinga!
The physician's assistant did the ultrasound, and i had 4 follies on the right ranging from 9-10mm and 9 follies on the right ranging from 9-14mm. Though, of those 9, 1 is most definitely a cyst since they had found that cyst on Saturday. So a dozen follies to start out with... not bad for 3 days of meds.
With that said, i'm hoping to only have to go to Day 7 or 8 with the stims... main reason being, i don't think i'll have enough Follistim or Menopur to get me through more days than that. So cross your fingers for me that i'm an egg factory and just keep producing/growing these eggs. (Bak, bak... said in my best chicken voice).
One super fun side effect... other than the fact that i feel like my ovaries are about to bust through my jeans.... the hot flashes i started having last night. Holy hell, i woke up SWEATING... asked the hubs if he was hot, as he looked at me like i was nuts. i thought i was going to have to go stand in front of the freezer to cool down. Am i the only one with these crazy symptoms??
First Acupuncture
they started out with a crazy acupressure massage. not gonna lie, this was nowhere near being relaxing and peaceful. crazy asian guy whaling on my back and neck for 20 minutes is much more accurate. however, by the end of it, i was feeling pretty good. he sure did work out a lot of the kinks in my shoulders and neck and i'm sort of looking forward to more torture tomorrow!
then it was onto the needles... overall, i had 25 needles in me... head, ears, forehead, arms, hands, stomach, knees, ankles and feet. the majority of them didn't hurt at all. the 5 in my stomach were hooked up to the electric current to stimulate blood flow to the uterus and ovaries. the one in my right ankle caused this shooting pain that lasted for about 2 minutes and then passed... not sure what that was about, will have to ask/tell the dr tomorrow. and then 1 in my left ear and 1 in my left hand throbbed the entire time, but not unbearably. in fact, i even fell asleep.
my next appointment is tomorrow night and she then wants to see me every other day until retrieval. not sure about after retrieval what she'll suggest so i guess i can ask tomorrow.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
And we're off!
I found out last night that we were on for this cycle! Halleluiah! I was so worried we'd be skipping this cycle, but thankfully i just have a cyst. Along with the cystic acne all over my face, thanks birth control, i guess i shouldn't be surprised that that's what it was.
Anyway, I ran errands like crazy today and tried to distract myself from thinking about the mixing of the meds and the... eek... injection that awaited me. After a gazillion cycles of this, you'd think I'd be used to this now? But the anxiety of it all just always creeps up on me. I mean, seriously, who the hell LIKES needles in the gut?
I set my alarm for 8:30, but actually ended up doing it before my alarm even went off. The mixing went fine. This is the first time I had to mix more than 1 vial of Menopur, so i was a bit nervous about getting the process down.
I would think that the first would be the worst... the anticipation of actually stabbing yourself and getting the needle in, but this time it only took me 2 times of counting off before i was actually able to jab it in. A nurse friend of mine told me to say out loud, "1, 2, stab". there were many nights in the past where i stood in front of the mirror going "1, 2, stab" over and over before bringing myself to do it. And these are just these little silly sub Q shots! I really don't know how people do the IM shots!
Anyway, i attribute the fact that i'm getting a bit "pleasantly plump" to the fact that the shot didn't hurt as much as anticipated. Maybe its in my head, maybe i'm looking for a reason to NOT hit the gym, but i swear, it hurt less. This is a double-edged sword though since now that i have a muffin top, i'm super self conscious about bikini season. Good thing i'll soon have bruises all over my entire abdomen and won't have to worry about wearing a bikini anyway! But, IF it gets us to our final goal of having a family of 3 (well 3.5, ya gotta count the fur child) then all this will be well worth it and then some.
Shot #2 awaits tomorrow, and then Monday, back to the dr for a blood test. I also got AF today from stopping the pill so now i have to figure out what to do about the acupuncture since they had wanted me to start on day 1 of my cycle.
*S
Anyway, I ran errands like crazy today and tried to distract myself from thinking about the mixing of the meds and the... eek... injection that awaited me. After a gazillion cycles of this, you'd think I'd be used to this now? But the anxiety of it all just always creeps up on me. I mean, seriously, who the hell LIKES needles in the gut?
I set my alarm for 8:30, but actually ended up doing it before my alarm even went off. The mixing went fine. This is the first time I had to mix more than 1 vial of Menopur, so i was a bit nervous about getting the process down.
I would think that the first would be the worst... the anticipation of actually stabbing yourself and getting the needle in, but this time it only took me 2 times of counting off before i was actually able to jab it in. A nurse friend of mine told me to say out loud, "1, 2, stab". there were many nights in the past where i stood in front of the mirror going "1, 2, stab" over and over before bringing myself to do it. And these are just these little silly sub Q shots! I really don't know how people do the IM shots!
Anyway, i attribute the fact that i'm getting a bit "pleasantly plump" to the fact that the shot didn't hurt as much as anticipated. Maybe its in my head, maybe i'm looking for a reason to NOT hit the gym, but i swear, it hurt less. This is a double-edged sword though since now that i have a muffin top, i'm super self conscious about bikini season. Good thing i'll soon have bruises all over my entire abdomen and won't have to worry about wearing a bikini anyway! But, IF it gets us to our final goal of having a family of 3 (well 3.5, ya gotta count the fur child) then all this will be well worth it and then some.
Shot #2 awaits tomorrow, and then Monday, back to the dr for a blood test. I also got AF today from stopping the pill so now i have to figure out what to do about the acupuncture since they had wanted me to start on day 1 of my cycle.
*S
Friday, August 9, 2013
Another (Possible) Kink in the Plan
This morning was my baseline bloodwork and ultrasound. I was excited to finally be starting my cycle. Lo and behold, I get in there and my RE is looking at the ultrasound and saying how there is something on the left, that could very well be a follie. We won't know until later this afternoon when the results of the bloodwork come back. Talk about a rollercoaster!
We're starting, we're stopping, we're starting, we're stopping...
So, there's pretty much a 50/50 chance at this point that its a follicle. Which is funny because i've been on that damn crazy BC pill for 5 weeks now. And according to my dr, if its a follicle, that means i'd be that 0.9% that the BC pill did not work for because i would still just ovulate despite being on it. Well isn't that just freaking peachy. I spent all those years on the pill trying not to get pregnant and NOT ovulate... then i spent all this time NOT on the pill TRYING to get pregnant... and now that they put me on the pill for a little while so i wouldn't ovulate, i'm STILL ovulating? And probably still won't get pregnant. So the worst case scenario is that it is a follie, we monitor it, and do it "the old fashioned way" which in my book = big fat waste of time. And yes, i know, it COULD happen. But after 21 months of trying, i'm a bit skeptical. Sue me.
Option 2 is that its a cyst. In which case, we move forward with the cycle as planned. Which means a nice juicy shot to the stomach starting tomorrow. Yay for liquid fire! (Sarcasm at its finest).
At this point, my hormone levels will determine what's going to happen. And I'm SO glad I already told my boss now for the SECOND time that we were starting... Ugh.
Needless to say, after my morning, i drove right to Wawa and got myself a giant star frosted sprinkle donut.
Anywho, happy Friday, i'll update when i get the results.
Oh, PS, on a happy note. Hubby got his results from the SA he gave Monday for the freeze. (our clinic makes us give a "back-up" sample in case something happens the day of the retrieval). His numbers were fantastic. 128 million, 61% motility and normal (don't remember the #s) morphology. So yay for that!
We're starting, we're stopping, we're starting, we're stopping...
So, there's pretty much a 50/50 chance at this point that its a follicle. Which is funny because i've been on that damn crazy BC pill for 5 weeks now. And according to my dr, if its a follicle, that means i'd be that 0.9% that the BC pill did not work for because i would still just ovulate despite being on it. Well isn't that just freaking peachy. I spent all those years on the pill trying not to get pregnant and NOT ovulate... then i spent all this time NOT on the pill TRYING to get pregnant... and now that they put me on the pill for a little while so i wouldn't ovulate, i'm STILL ovulating? And probably still won't get pregnant. So the worst case scenario is that it is a follie, we monitor it, and do it "the old fashioned way" which in my book = big fat waste of time. And yes, i know, it COULD happen. But after 21 months of trying, i'm a bit skeptical. Sue me.
Option 2 is that its a cyst. In which case, we move forward with the cycle as planned. Which means a nice juicy shot to the stomach starting tomorrow. Yay for liquid fire! (Sarcasm at its finest).
At this point, my hormone levels will determine what's going to happen. And I'm SO glad I already told my boss now for the SECOND time that we were starting... Ugh.
Needless to say, after my morning, i drove right to Wawa and got myself a giant star frosted sprinkle donut.
Anywho, happy Friday, i'll update when i get the results.
Oh, PS, on a happy note. Hubby got his results from the SA he gave Monday for the freeze. (our clinic makes us give a "back-up" sample in case something happens the day of the retrieval). His numbers were fantastic. 128 million, 61% motility and normal (don't remember the #s) morphology. So yay for that!
Thursday, August 8, 2013
The Joys of IF Treatments
I'm sitting here right now with a killer headache, and can only take some crappy Tylenol in hopes of easing the pain. And I started thinking what a cruel joke Mother Nature and Science is playing on us wanna-be mommas.
I mean, let's think about it. Kudos to ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology) and all but, I mean, Snooki can get blasted and probably get banged face down in a puddle of her own vomit and get knocked up, but for those of us who actually want babies and are faced with IF, what do we have to go through?
Rant over. Let me know what i forgot in this list!
*S
I mean, let's think about it. Kudos to ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology) and all but, I mean, Snooki can get blasted and probably get banged face down in a puddle of her own vomit and get knocked up, but for those of us who actually want babies and are faced with IF, what do we have to go through?
- Blood draws. Every other freaking day. In the beginning of this process, i looked like a heroin junkie. Track lines graced my inner arms. This especially looks awesome when its summer and you're wearing a tank top. And forget those out there that they can't even find a vein near the elbow. One word: OUCH.
- Internal ultrasounds. Sure, i LOVE getting probed and violated (and i don't mean in a 50 shades of kinky way) first thing every other morning, only to have the gob of ultrasound gel leak out hours later. At least this isn't "painful" but still i'd categorize it in the Unpleasant or Annoying columns.
- Injections. This might be the main item of contention. Not only are you stabbing yourself in the stomach (or having your husband do it for you if he doesn't work nights like mine), you have to do it at designated times, sometimes multiple times a day, or more than just 1 shot. COME ON! Dear Scientists: we are already in EMOTIONAL pain. find a way to make these meds in pill form. PUH-LEAZE. we are begging you. Sincerely, every infertile woman on the planet going through treatment. At the very least, eliminate IM injections and make all meds injectable through the superfine needles (I know you know what i'm talking about makers of the follistim pen!)
- Hormonal "ROID" rage. Yes, this is real. Just ask my hubby. And the broken glass in my trash can. Zero to fury in 0.5 seconds for NO REASON AT ALL. Stop it. Its not nice to those around us (or so i'm told.)
- No alcohol, caffeine, or good drugs. Now this. This is just a damn slap in my acne-prone-from-all-these-damn-hormones face. Fo shizzle. I'm not even PREGNANT yet. Let me have my wine til i can POAS and get that exciting Plus sign. I mean, we're already tormented enough. Let us at least be drunk enough to not remember it! And i don't know about you but my RE's screening times are from 7-9am, so i NEED caffeine. I'm old and dragging without it.
- The 2ww. Biggest. mindf*ck. EVER. need i say more? You can make a baby, a human being in a dish. And yet, we have to wait 2 weeks for you to tell us if it sticks? For the love of all things holy, shorten the time of every little twinge, twist, cramp, gas bubble.... i think i'm pregnant, no its my period, no i've gotta be pregnant, oh wait, that's definitely my period, but i could be pregnant......... you get the drift?
Rant over. Let me know what i forgot in this list!
*S
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Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Here We GO!
Finally got the all clear to stop the BC pill and start stims
Saturday. It’s the start of hopefully the journey that will change our
lives forever. But first I have to get through all the needles…
Since our cycle was cancelled last month, it’s time to start psyching myself up for tons of shots, doctor appointments and ultrasounds. Yuck, yuck and YUCK. But, it will be all worth it if at the end this lady’s uterus has a growing bambino!
Wish us luck!
*S
Since our cycle was cancelled last month, it’s time to start psyching myself up for tons of shots, doctor appointments and ultrasounds. Yuck, yuck and YUCK. But, it will be all worth it if at the end this lady’s uterus has a growing bambino!
Wish us luck!
*S
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