So where do I start? When we first started our TTC journey, there weren't too many people that we told. Sure, some friends knew that we were "trying" and I was naieve enough to think that we would get pregnant right away. After about 6 months of trying on our own and then going to get checked by the RE, we told a few more people that we were doing Clomid and IUI. We thought IUI would definitely work and just needed the extra "push" of the meds to get us going.
The IUI process for us ended up being a very long one, with half of our cycles being natural, due to cysts and other issues. And along the way, we kept friends up to speed more or less. Though the entire time, I kept quiet about it with my boss at work. Until we started the IVF process and I realized that I would have to say something in case I needed the time off. By then, I'd say a handful of people knew. And I was fine with being open about what I was going through, and the entire process.
Until now.
5 days away from Beta. And my feelings have TOTALLY changed. SIGH. Almost to the point where I wish that no one knew what was going on. I don't know why I'm being so sensitive about it, and I can't even really explain it to hubby, who does not get what the "big deal" is. I just feel like this is something so personal. I mean, first of all, I don't want people talkin bout my girl parts... its just not cool. I don't go around asking people how their penises are... don't ask me how my uterus is! (OK, not literally, but yes, one time, my BIL asked me how were my ovaries feeling?! Like SERIOUSLY?! EW, creep!)
I guess I just feel like these friends are putting pressure on me. And I know that's totally ridiculous to feel. But after everything we've been through, after every failed attempt, after let downs month after month... I know our friends genuinely care and are concerned and want the best for us. I know that. But, if this doesn't work, or if we have a miscarriage (a word hubby doesn't even like me to say, because I am "jinxing" us") then I have to tell everyone THAT too.
So I guess I'm curious to know how anyone else out there has handled this process. Am I crazy for feeling the way I do? How do I handle the situation from here on out when people do ask? There are a couple exceptions to my rule about who I want to know after Beta #1. My mom and 3 friends that have been there with me from Day 1 of this, and who have been through IF treatments. They GET it. I just feel like other people, though they have good intentions, don't.
So far, even though our Beta is Monday, Labor Day, i'm telling people it's not until Friday. Is that wrong of me? I figure by that point, I'll have at least had a second beta and can see if our numbers start doubling. Even then after that Friday, I'm still trying to figure out what to say to people. I'm not ready for congratulations from people that haven't personally dealt with infertility... that sounds so f*cked up. I know... Anyway, sorry for this rambling post, but i'd love to get some responses to this.
*S
I think it is normal to vacillate between wanting and not wanting people to know stuff! I read that Jimmy Fallon and his wife were so burned out on telling people about their efforts then having to tell them things didn't work every month that they kept their whole pregnancy via surrogate just between themselves the whole time until baby was born. Whatever works for you, I say.
ReplyDeleteI like your plan of saying the test is Friday--it allows you to get support while still having some time with just you and your husband to acclimate to whatever the news may be. Personally, I think it is nice that people ask, even if their asking has some negative aspects. I always feel better being asked than people pretending this intense stuff is not going down. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.
thanks for the feedback! its very much appreciated!
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