Target Practice

Well folks, today is the day...

adding on the delestrogen shots in the ass. 

This is how I feel lately...

Hubby is excited to give me my first one tonight.

Eek. To which when I told him he'd be doing the honors, his excited response made me call him a sadist.

But, apparently he is just excited to be the one I trust to help me out.

Especially because after the very first Ovidrel shot months and months ago, I have not trusted him to come near me with any sharp, pointy objects. LOL.

Even Superbowl Sunday when I cried in the bathroom because I could not get the Ganirelix shot in.

I still wouldn't let him try. Talk about Bipolar Betty.

Ok, do it... Nooo, wait, i'll just try... no you can just do it... Wait... i changed my mind.

Cray cray? Definitely.

Tonight though, I'll have no choice.

Shoot me in the ass hubby. I even had the nurse draw some awesome target areas so he'd know where to stab aim.

Pray for me friends.

It's just the beginning.

Why can't I have the dr that just lets me stick patches all over my body?

*S

And Just Like That...

We're back in the game...

RE appt was this past Friday. Gasp! I know... it's been days and I haven't updated. That's because LIFE keeps getting in the damn way. And by life, I mean work. I mean, don't my employers know that infertility IS my life these days? Sheesh... the nerve...

Anywho...

So the final results of the hysteroscopy... pretty much normal. Pathology suggested that I have had polyps. Which Dr. R saw and removed when she was all up in there... supposedly those little sons of bitches won't grow back, so that's good news. Other than that, I apparently have a "small cavity" aka uterus. And in addition to being small, it's anti-verted.

An anteverted uterus refers to one where the positioning of the top points towards the tummy, front or the bladder. This condition is acceptable and is the most common position of the uterus and thus requires no medical attention. [via google]

My chromosomal testing came back normal. Hubby's is lost in the shuffle, so they should have it by today so I need to make a phone call to get his results.

So the final conclusion, at this point, is that we should try to do a frozen cycle, as my body might have just been on a hormone rampage from turning it into an egg making factory. Even though all my lab results were in normal range, sometimes a fresh cycle is just less likely to work. Who knew. RIP first two embies. It was a valiant effort.

And with another practice transfer under my belt (and almost pissing myself on the ride home), we are off to FET! Yay IM injections.... (insert MAJOR sarcasm). So I started Lupron on Friday night, took my last BCP pill last night, should have AF this week and start the delestrogen next Monday (eek!)

Oh yeah, and apparently if this cycle does not work, then we might have to move on to genetic embryo testing. At this point, my dr wants to try one more time, because apparently its mega expensive and not covered by insurance. Super...

So, with that said, we just NEED NEED this to work... I need it to be worth every single needle jab that I am about to embark on... PLEASE! LOL.

*s

Another Week of Waiting

Well, it's been nearly a week since the hysteroscopy, so I called today to make an appt for a mini consult with Dr. R. My test results haven't come in yet (I guess it really does take 10 days)... so my appt isn't going to be until NEXT Friday.

In the meantime, I got in touch with Freedom Pharmacy, and got some GREAT news. The meds for the FET are "only" $633! What what! I was one happy girl on Saturday after hearing this. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not looking forward to IM anything... BUT, I felt like it was a little gift that I wasn't getting slapped with IM injections AND them costing a fortune.

Naw what ahh mean y'all?

Soooo, for now, just another 2 really, weeks of waiting, and staying on the demon BCP. Which, knock on wood, has not made me break out like a teenager yet (praise Jesus!) and hasn't made me super crazy.

This week, I am kicking back and fully enjoying my caffeinated coffee and a few adult bevvies, and trying not to think about the test outcomes or what happens next. Oh and saving saving money for the meds and next cycle costs. Fun times right?

*S

Oh PS. just read a blog where {surprise} the blogger turned out to be preggers... this isn't an IF blog that i follow, actually it's a fashion one... and without hesitation, clicked unfollow... am i alone in the fact that i just can't bear to follow along with mama's that haven't had issues? is that evil? ugh.

Another test checked off the list.

Yesterday was the hysteroscopy and I'm happy to report everything went fine. This time around though, I was SUPER out of it coming out of the anesthesia... and for some reason, super itchy. LOL. One of the lovely possible side effects the nurse told me.

I also got a nice dose of IV Clindamycin, an antibiotic, which made my mouth taste like metal, or so I kept telling everybody.

I also apparently got a stitch! Though it wasn't til today when the nurse called to follow-up that I could actually find out where and why. Apparently a routine part of the procedure if the instruments move around they can nick your cervix... ok... and apparently they told me this like 3x yesterday. Though, hubby, who wasn't under any anesthesia had no idea where/why the stitch was put in, what's his excuse? At least mine was that I was hopped up on the happy juice!

We also did some fun chromosomal testing... just basic blood tests. Though, by the time I came out of surgery, I was pretty dehydrated and they had a hard time finding a vein. So hand vein it was. Ouchie.

Also, this time, the ride home was rough. I was a bit nauseous, and just didn't feel good, and even started crying at one point. Though, thinking about it now, I think it was still the anesthesia wearing off, because a) I really wasn't in pain per se and b) I'm not usually a crybaby when I am in pain. Looking back now, I can't even believe I cried. LOL Silly girl, I know.

Next up, (hopefully) a call from the pharmacy (up in Boston, Freedom Pharmacy, anyone heard of it?) to let me know how many thousands of dollars I'll owe them for some sucky-ass IM injections (which I'm super dreading). Also, a mini consult with Dr. R to go over the results of the hysteroscopy and the chromosomal testing, and to see if we need to do anything else before FET.

Onwards and upwards,
*S

Look who showed up...

It's that bitch Aunt Flo! Two days after the BFN and stopping the meds... she snuck quietly in. So much so i wasn't even totally sure what was going on. i read on a few blogs that AF could be a light one, so i wasn't sure how light was light. but coupled with cramps, nausea and overall ickiness, i got a nice huge clot falling out this morning. Yes. Total TMI. Believe me, i was so totally grossed out (a hard thing to do to me these days of Crinone). But I guess that means today is officially Day 1 of my new cycle.

Been coping better with the fact that IVF #1 didn't work. Even told more people than anticipated. Sort of like the band-aid rule, the faster you rip it off, the quicker it stops hurting? So much for me worrying about when we were going to tell people the news. Glad i wasted all that breath and worrying on that last week huh? LOL.

Anyway I put in a call to the RE to see what i even have to do next. I think definitely blood work and ultrasound... and then what? are we definitely doing the hysteroscopy next, and when? Now i'm just anxious to get started... in the meantime, i'm going to do some more research on possible reasons for unexplained IF. see if there are any other tests i should suggest to my dr. i'm quickly learning that i really need to step up and be my own advocate in all this. if you have any suggestions for me of things to ask/ test for, please let me know!

*s

And the journey continues...

3 words. B. F. N.
i knew it in my heart, but was holding out the tiniest glimmer of hope...

next steps are waiting for AF (bleh/yay) and then doing a hysteroscopy to see if there's anything in my uterus that is causing an issue. because according to my dr, they really thought this was going to work based on the quality of the embies as well as my numbers.

in some ways i think unexplained IF is worse than knowing what's wrong with you. i feel like we're just shooting in the dark, hoping things will work, but not knowing WHY they aren't. and i'd really like to know why. so i'm putting a lot of faith in this next test, that it will give us some answers.

they may also do some chromosomal testing on us to see if there's an issue there, but i just have this sinking feeling its something in MY body that's f*cked up. i guess we can only wait and see...

*s

Feeling Pessimistic

Just got home from beta... the dr will call as soon as the results are in. I'm glad to know it's my dr that's on call today. Regardless, I can't seem to shake the feeling of them telling me I'm not pregnant.
I just don't FEEL pregnant. I realized that on Friday on our way to AC (good timing huh?)

Other than the symptoms I feel from the progesterone and estrogen, I don't feel anything else... at all. In my heart, I just feel like this cycle didn't work.

I also POAS last night when we got home from our trip. BFN. Maybe it was a mistake to do that, and I know I should have waited. Especially since it wasn't my first pee of the morning. But there was nothing... no faint lines. Just stark white and the dark control line screaming at me, "You idiot! Did you actually think you'd ever see pink? Muahahahahaha <evil laugh>"

Only a few more hours of torture til we find out for sure. Am I super pessimistic or just a realist?

*S