But seriously y'all. I hate it. Yet like an addict I continue doing it. My husband sees how much I struggle and is fine with me stopping. But for some reason I carry so much guilt about quitting. I've lasted 2 months so far. Which is 2 months actually longer than I actually thought I'd last considering all the issues I had with supply and latching. And maybe that's why I'm so reluctant to give it up. Because I fought so hard to get here. I'm still supplementing with formula. But my supply is better than where it was.
I wish I could quit and feel good about it. But I'm not at that point yet I guess. I just keep thinking to myself "if I can just get on a good feeding and pumping schedule then maybe it won't be so bad". But that's what I'm having the hardest time with. Because I swear EVERYTIME I get on the pump my kid knows. And decides to cry. Momma cannot pick you up with all this shit connected to her boobies kid.
Also I'm sure the fact that I'm sleep deprieved isn't helping me love this whole process. And the fact that homeboy falls asleep on the boob and doesn't get a full meal for his night feeds isn't helping either.
Anyway, I just needed to vent. For now I'll continue on with the torture that is breastfeeding. LOL.
I'm sorry it's been so difficult friend, and I can only imagine the guilty feeling associated with this (a friend of mine recently posted about that on Facebook too). I know that you're not alone in this, and sometimes knowing that helps. Even if it's just a little. Instead of focusing on the difficulty and the frustration, take a second and look at all of the AMAZING things that you're doing with your son. You're an incredible mommy, and breastfeeding (or not) shouldn't determine your worth, to yourself. Everyone else already thinks you're a rock star, including that cute little guy! :)
ReplyDeleteLove you and here for you no matter what route you decide to pursue! :)
Wow, I'm impressed you were able to keep it up this long. Breastfeeding is hard even when you love it!
ReplyDeleteI think what you are going through is very common. I struggled so much, but mine was with pumping because girls were in NICU for so long. I hated it so much. I finally stopped after 8 weeks because of supply and felt like a huge failure to them. Then I knew that regardless if it was breast milk or formula, they were getting what they needed and I did the most important part in my opinion, gave them breastmilk in the very beginning of their lives when it was needed the most.
ReplyDeleteShay, I can totally relate. Don't ever let anyone make you feel guilty about breastfeeding or not breastfeeding - not even yourself. You are doing an amazing job. Do whatever feels right. And just fyi, you should be coming up on some more sleep time soon. The sleep deprivation will end eventually.
ReplyDeleteOh sweet friend. Don't feel guilt breastfeeding isn't for everyone. U can at least say with accomplishment u did ur best.
ReplyDeleteOh no! That's tough. It's not for everyone. You shouldn't feel guilty about doing what's best for you and your family. Hope it gets easier or you decide to give it up without guilt.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been in your position but I would guess just doing what you feel is best is all that matters :) What a cutie pie he is :)
ReplyDeleteOther animal species breastfeed for a much shorter duration than humans. Especially when babies have teeth, I feel that evolution has made breastfeeding obsolete at that point. The ideal of breastfeeding to one year is contrary to other species.
ReplyDelete