Well, it's been nearly a week since the hysteroscopy, so I called today to make an appt for a mini consult with Dr. R. My test results haven't come in yet (I guess it really does take 10 days)... so my appt isn't going to be until NEXT Friday.
In the meantime, I got in touch with Freedom Pharmacy, and got some GREAT news. The meds for the FET are "only" $633! What what! I was one happy girl on Saturday after hearing this. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not looking forward to IM anything... BUT, I felt like it was a little gift that I wasn't getting slapped with IM injections AND them costing a fortune.
Naw what ahh mean y'all?
Soooo, for now, just another 2 really, weeks of waiting, and staying on the demon BCP. Which, knock on wood, has not made me break out like a teenager yet (praise Jesus!) and hasn't made me super crazy.
This week, I am kicking back and fully enjoying my caffeinated coffee and a few adult bevvies, and trying not to think about the test outcomes or what happens next. Oh and saving saving money for the meds and next cycle costs. Fun times right?
*S
Oh PS. just read a blog where {surprise} the blogger turned out to be preggers... this isn't an IF blog that i follow, actually it's a fashion one... and without hesitation, clicked unfollow... am i alone in the fact that i just can't bear to follow along with mama's that haven't had issues? is that evil? ugh.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Another test checked off the list.
Yesterday was the hysteroscopy and I'm happy to report everything went fine. This time around though, I was SUPER out of it coming out of the anesthesia... and for some reason, super itchy. LOL. One of the lovely possible side effects the nurse told me.
I also got a nice dose of IV Clindamycin, an antibiotic, which made my mouth taste like metal, or so I kept telling everybody.
I also apparently got a stitch! Though it wasn't til today when the nurse called to follow-up that I could actually find out where and why. Apparently a routine part of the procedure if the instruments move around they can nick your cervix... ok... and apparently they told me this like 3x yesterday. Though, hubby, who wasn't under any anesthesia had no idea where/why the stitch was put in, what's his excuse? At least mine was that I was hopped up on the happy juice!
We also did some fun chromosomal testing... just basic blood tests. Though, by the time I came out of surgery, I was pretty dehydrated and they had a hard time finding a vein. So hand vein it was. Ouchie.
Also, this time, the ride home was rough. I was a bit nauseous, and just didn't feel good, and even started crying at one point. Though, thinking about it now, I think it was still the anesthesia wearing off, because a) I really wasn't in pain per se and b) I'm not usually a crybaby when I am in pain. Looking back now, I can't even believe I cried. LOL Silly girl, I know.
Next up, (hopefully) a call from the pharmacy (up in Boston, Freedom Pharmacy, anyone heard of it?) to let me know how many thousands of dollars I'll owe them for some sucky-ass IM injections (which I'm super dreading). Also, a mini consult with Dr. R to go over the results of the hysteroscopy and the chromosomal testing, and to see if we need to do anything else before FET.
Onwards and upwards,
*S
I also got a nice dose of IV Clindamycin, an antibiotic, which made my mouth taste like metal, or so I kept telling everybody.
I also apparently got a stitch! Though it wasn't til today when the nurse called to follow-up that I could actually find out where and why. Apparently a routine part of the procedure if the instruments move around they can nick your cervix... ok... and apparently they told me this like 3x yesterday. Though, hubby, who wasn't under any anesthesia had no idea where/why the stitch was put in, what's his excuse? At least mine was that I was hopped up on the happy juice!
We also did some fun chromosomal testing... just basic blood tests. Though, by the time I came out of surgery, I was pretty dehydrated and they had a hard time finding a vein. So hand vein it was. Ouchie.
Also, this time, the ride home was rough. I was a bit nauseous, and just didn't feel good, and even started crying at one point. Though, thinking about it now, I think it was still the anesthesia wearing off, because a) I really wasn't in pain per se and b) I'm not usually a crybaby when I am in pain. Looking back now, I can't even believe I cried. LOL Silly girl, I know.
Next up, (hopefully) a call from the pharmacy (up in Boston, Freedom Pharmacy, anyone heard of it?) to let me know how many thousands of dollars I'll owe them for some sucky-ass IM injections (which I'm super dreading). Also, a mini consult with Dr. R to go over the results of the hysteroscopy and the chromosomal testing, and to see if we need to do anything else before FET.
Onwards and upwards,
*S
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Look who showed up...
It's that bitch Aunt Flo! Two days after the BFN and stopping the meds... she snuck quietly in. So much so i wasn't even totally sure what was going on. i read on a few blogs that AF could be a light one, so i wasn't sure how light was light. but coupled with cramps, nausea and overall ickiness, i got a nice huge clot falling out this morning. Yes. Total TMI. Believe me, i was so totally grossed out (a hard thing to do to me these days of Crinone). But I guess that means today is officially Day 1 of my new cycle.
Been coping better with the fact that IVF #1 didn't work. Even told more people than anticipated. Sort of like the band-aid rule, the faster you rip it off, the quicker it stops hurting? So much for me worrying about when we were going to tell people the news. Glad i wasted all that breath and worrying on that last week huh? LOL.
Anyway I put in a call to the RE to see what i even have to do next. I think definitely blood work and ultrasound... and then what? are we definitely doing the hysteroscopy next, and when? Now i'm just anxious to get started... in the meantime, i'm going to do some more research on possible reasons for unexplained IF. see if there are any other tests i should suggest to my dr. i'm quickly learning that i really need to step up and be my own advocate in all this. if you have any suggestions for me of things to ask/ test for, please let me know!
*s
Monday, September 2, 2013
And the journey continues...
3 words. B. F. N.
i knew it in my heart, but was holding out the tiniest glimmer of hope...
next steps are waiting for AF (bleh/yay) and then doing a hysteroscopy to see if there's anything in my uterus that is causing an issue. because according to my dr, they really thought this was going to work based on the quality of the embies as well as my numbers.
in some ways i think unexplained IF is worse than knowing what's wrong with you. i feel like we're just shooting in the dark, hoping things will work, but not knowing WHY they aren't. and i'd really like to know why. so i'm putting a lot of faith in this next test, that it will give us some answers.
they may also do some chromosomal testing on us to see if there's an issue there, but i just have this sinking feeling its something in MY body that's f*cked up. i guess we can only wait and see...
*s
i knew it in my heart, but was holding out the tiniest glimmer of hope...
next steps are waiting for AF (bleh/yay) and then doing a hysteroscopy to see if there's anything in my uterus that is causing an issue. because according to my dr, they really thought this was going to work based on the quality of the embies as well as my numbers.
in some ways i think unexplained IF is worse than knowing what's wrong with you. i feel like we're just shooting in the dark, hoping things will work, but not knowing WHY they aren't. and i'd really like to know why. so i'm putting a lot of faith in this next test, that it will give us some answers.
they may also do some chromosomal testing on us to see if there's an issue there, but i just have this sinking feeling its something in MY body that's f*cked up. i guess we can only wait and see...
*s
Feeling Pessimistic
Just got home from beta... the dr will call as soon as the results are in. I'm glad to know it's my dr that's on call today. Regardless, I can't seem to shake the feeling of them telling me I'm not pregnant.
I just don't FEEL pregnant. I realized that on Friday on our way to AC (good timing huh?)
Other than the symptoms I feel from the progesterone and estrogen, I don't feel anything else... at all. In my heart, I just feel like this cycle didn't work.
I also POAS last night when we got home from our trip. BFN. Maybe it was a mistake to do that, and I know I should have waited. Especially since it wasn't my first pee of the morning. But there was nothing... no faint lines. Just stark white and the dark control line screaming at me, "You idiot! Did you actually think you'd ever see pink? Muahahahahaha <evil laugh>"
Only a few more hours of torture til we find out for sure. Am I super pessimistic or just a realist?
*S
I just don't FEEL pregnant. I realized that on Friday on our way to AC (good timing huh?)
Other than the symptoms I feel from the progesterone and estrogen, I don't feel anything else... at all. In my heart, I just feel like this cycle didn't work.
I also POAS last night when we got home from our trip. BFN. Maybe it was a mistake to do that, and I know I should have waited. Especially since it wasn't my first pee of the morning. But there was nothing... no faint lines. Just stark white and the dark control line screaming at me, "You idiot! Did you actually think you'd ever see pink? Muahahahahaha <evil laugh>"
Only a few more hours of torture til we find out for sure. Am I super pessimistic or just a realist?
*S
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Conundrums
So where do I start? When we first started our TTC journey, there weren't too many people that we told. Sure, some friends knew that we were "trying" and I was naieve enough to think that we would get pregnant right away. After about 6 months of trying on our own and then going to get checked by the RE, we told a few more people that we were doing Clomid and IUI. We thought IUI would definitely work and just needed the extra "push" of the meds to get us going.
The IUI process for us ended up being a very long one, with half of our cycles being natural, due to cysts and other issues. And along the way, we kept friends up to speed more or less. Though the entire time, I kept quiet about it with my boss at work. Until we started the IVF process and I realized that I would have to say something in case I needed the time off. By then, I'd say a handful of people knew. And I was fine with being open about what I was going through, and the entire process.
Until now.
5 days away from Beta. And my feelings have TOTALLY changed. SIGH. Almost to the point where I wish that no one knew what was going on. I don't know why I'm being so sensitive about it, and I can't even really explain it to hubby, who does not get what the "big deal" is. I just feel like this is something so personal. I mean, first of all, I don't want people talkin bout my girl parts... its just not cool. I don't go around asking people how their penises are... don't ask me how my uterus is! (OK, not literally, but yes, one time, my BIL asked me how were my ovaries feeling?! Like SERIOUSLY?! EW, creep!)
I guess I just feel like these friends are putting pressure on me. And I know that's totally ridiculous to feel. But after everything we've been through, after every failed attempt, after let downs month after month... I know our friends genuinely care and are concerned and want the best for us. I know that. But, if this doesn't work, or if we have a miscarriage (a word hubby doesn't even like me to say, because I am "jinxing" us") then I have to tell everyone THAT too.
So I guess I'm curious to know how anyone else out there has handled this process. Am I crazy for feeling the way I do? How do I handle the situation from here on out when people do ask? There are a couple exceptions to my rule about who I want to know after Beta #1. My mom and 3 friends that have been there with me from Day 1 of this, and who have been through IF treatments. They GET it. I just feel like other people, though they have good intentions, don't.
So far, even though our Beta is Monday, Labor Day, i'm telling people it's not until Friday. Is that wrong of me? I figure by that point, I'll have at least had a second beta and can see if our numbers start doubling. Even then after that Friday, I'm still trying to figure out what to say to people. I'm not ready for congratulations from people that haven't personally dealt with infertility... that sounds so f*cked up. I know... Anyway, sorry for this rambling post, but i'd love to get some responses to this.
*S
The IUI process for us ended up being a very long one, with half of our cycles being natural, due to cysts and other issues. And along the way, we kept friends up to speed more or less. Though the entire time, I kept quiet about it with my boss at work. Until we started the IVF process and I realized that I would have to say something in case I needed the time off. By then, I'd say a handful of people knew. And I was fine with being open about what I was going through, and the entire process.
Until now.
5 days away from Beta. And my feelings have TOTALLY changed. SIGH. Almost to the point where I wish that no one knew what was going on. I don't know why I'm being so sensitive about it, and I can't even really explain it to hubby, who does not get what the "big deal" is. I just feel like this is something so personal. I mean, first of all, I don't want people talkin bout my girl parts... its just not cool. I don't go around asking people how their penises are... don't ask me how my uterus is! (OK, not literally, but yes, one time, my BIL asked me how were my ovaries feeling?! Like SERIOUSLY?! EW, creep!)
I guess I just feel like these friends are putting pressure on me. And I know that's totally ridiculous to feel. But after everything we've been through, after every failed attempt, after let downs month after month... I know our friends genuinely care and are concerned and want the best for us. I know that. But, if this doesn't work, or if we have a miscarriage (a word hubby doesn't even like me to say, because I am "jinxing" us") then I have to tell everyone THAT too.
So I guess I'm curious to know how anyone else out there has handled this process. Am I crazy for feeling the way I do? How do I handle the situation from here on out when people do ask? There are a couple exceptions to my rule about who I want to know after Beta #1. My mom and 3 friends that have been there with me from Day 1 of this, and who have been through IF treatments. They GET it. I just feel like other people, though they have good intentions, don't.
So far, even though our Beta is Monday, Labor Day, i'm telling people it's not until Friday. Is that wrong of me? I figure by that point, I'll have at least had a second beta and can see if our numbers start doubling. Even then after that Friday, I'm still trying to figure out what to say to people. I'm not ready for congratulations from people that haven't personally dealt with infertility... that sounds so f*cked up. I know... Anyway, sorry for this rambling post, but i'd love to get some responses to this.
*S
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
3dp5dt
Here we are at Tuesday... i'm feeling a bit antsy today... don't think it's because of the 2ww. Moreso, just not wanting to be at work on a gorgeous day!
Hubby was at the gym today, and found this!
An angel penny! Called me and told me that he knows i'm pregs and it's a sign from God! I sure hope he's right, that would be a great Godwink! If it turns out that I am pregs, I'm going to take the angel penny and make it into a necklace. :) one can only hope!
Other than that, no symptoms present... i've been dutifully taking my estrace, inserting the crinone, and taking my prenatal gummy vits... so doing all I can to hopefully keep these babies marinating. LOL.
Today implantation would be starting, so dig in babies! Monday cannot come soon enough!
*s
Hubby was at the gym today, and found this!
An angel penny! Called me and told me that he knows i'm pregs and it's a sign from God! I sure hope he's right, that would be a great Godwink! If it turns out that I am pregs, I'm going to take the angel penny and make it into a necklace. :) one can only hope!
Other than that, no symptoms present... i've been dutifully taking my estrace, inserting the crinone, and taking my prenatal gummy vits... so doing all I can to hopefully keep these babies marinating. LOL.
Today implantation would be starting, so dig in babies! Monday cannot come soon enough!
*s
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