The One Where I Forgot to Blog

So i know you have all been sitting around dying to know when the heck my transfer is! Life has been a bit hectic, right now the IF (infertility) Journey is turning into the IF Journey (like, literally IF i ever have any time for anything, it will be a miracle!)

But, so as not to keep you lovely ladies in suspense, our transfer is scheduled for Monday, 3/3. Monday's weather is supposed to be super snowy (big f'ing surprise there) and messy. Awesome sauce. So all i can hope is that we (and the dr and nurses) can still make it there with no weather-related issues. I've never been so glad to have a 4 wheel drive vehicle (even though that bastard only gets 12mpg).

So yes, last night I continued my shots. Tuesdays and Fridays its double torture since i have to do both the delestrogen shot AND the PIO. I won't start complaining about them quite yet... i'll wait til my bum is good and sore to start the bitchfest. And I started the cipro and medrol. And ew, is medrol not the nastiest tasting shizz? Why so bitter Medrol? That taste lingered on my tongue something fierce!

And oh, i had another wonderful side effect from.... which med, i have no idea... was in Target yesterday on my lunch hour, perusing the aisles and suddenly GUSH. right between the damn legs... i swear guys, i thought it was AF, or i peed myself, or my water breaking... and then i thought, "impossible"... once i got back to the office and checked out the sitch down under, i realized it was just CM? i THINK? but regardless, ew. Personally i think it was God's way of telling me to back out of the make up aisle... just say no to beauty products that you don't need Shay...

Anyway, that's about it for me. Other than freaking out about this whole process since this is pretty much our last shot, and even though i have a diagnosis now, what if it DOESN'T work? Oh and I am also worried about the thaw process for our 2 remaining babies, since we lost one last round... Ugh... i think i need cymbalta. LOL

Happy Thursday!
*s

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

Just checking in since it's been a few days (ok, more than a few) since I last posted. Really not much to report, other than daily Lupron shots and twice weekly delestrogen IM injects have begun. Fun times, i know.

Went for bloodwork and scan yesterday...  my lining check was at 5.66. So not quite there yet. At first I was a bit disappointed. Last FET at this time I was already pushing 9, but alas slow and steady wins the race. Or so they say. That could just be a load of crap right? LOL

Back to Doogie Howser (my one dr looks super young) on Friday for another scan and hopefully the lining will have thickened a bit.

Is it me, or is this cycle taking SUPER long? I'm so over these damn Lupron shots. I just really really really need this to work this time around. But we all already felt this way right?

Happy HUMP Day!
*s

My Life as of Late... I Feel Like Jekyll & Hyde...

Maybe it's because my body's been off drugs for close to 3 months, but let me tell you gals... this cycle's Lupron has hit me baby one more time with a VENGEANCE! The headaches, the mood swings, the emotionalness ality .... dammit, i'm emotional! Oh yeah, and i stopped the evil BCP which after 3 months i finally felt normal on... and poof, aunt flo shows up at my door step. My RE said after the laparoscopy, "oh so your period may be SO much better now that we removed most of the endo" NOPE! "or you may not even get a period at all!" NOPE AGAIN. i've been hearing from my non-infertile friends that aunt flo has raged in like all these snow storms we've been getting here in jersey, so maybe its just a big F you from Mother Nature herself. I guess she has bad days too?

So anyway, now that i'm a bleeding, cramping, headache-y, hormonal mess my poor hubby gets to enjoy the brunt of it. And before you go, "awwww", let's remember, the man is never going to have to push a baby out of ANY of HIS body parts... am i right?

So last weekend was the Superbowl (go jets?) and we were having a couple of people over... you know, it's not like my husband didn't decide this TWO days before or anything... him? last minute? nooooo, never... (said as sarcastically as humanly possible). He We decided I would cook up some Sunday sauce (not gravy) with some meatballs, sausage and pasta. So, there I am, minding my own business, making the sauce, and in walks Mr I-Know-How-To-Do-Everything-And-Even-Though-I-Know-You-Know-I'm-Going-To-Tell-You-What-To-Do-Anyway. MMMM Hmmmmm, that was a mouthful, but i think you see where this is going...

Him: Honey, why are you doing the onions like that? You don't need to do the onions? And where is the garlic? Did you add the garlic? You should have added the garlic first....
Me: I know, and I am adding the garlic, it's right here.
Him: But you should have done that first? Why wouldn't you do that first, and then just add the tomatoes, why are you stirring the onions? Don't do that!
Me Mr Hyde: ARE BEEPING SERIOUS? DO YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE SAUCE?? I AM BEEPING 35 YEARS OLD, HOW THE BEEP DO YOU THINK I MADE SAUCE BEFORE I MET YOU?! DO YOU WANT TO MAKE YOUR OWN BEEPING SAUCE FOR YOUR OWN BEEPING FRIENDS BY YOUR OWN BEEPING SELF?! CUZ WE CAN BEEPING ARRANGE THAT!

whoa. (clearly i edited my potty mouth for this blog. maybe i need a swear jar?)

silence....

at this point, husband saw the look of death in my crazy drug induced eyes and knew if he wanted to keep his body parts in tact he should make a quick exit. which is what he did. smart man.

10 minutes later we were hugging it out, dr jekyll was back in the house, and order was restored in the universe. Cue sigh of relief from the hubby. It also may or may not have helped that we turned on the Puppybowl during this time period. I mean who can stay mad when there are glorious cuddly little puppies frolicking across the tv. Surely not this girl!

And that my friends has been my life as of late. Stay tuned for more shenanigans!

The start of FET #2

OK here we go! Went to the dr for baseline bloodwork and cultures today and got the all clear to start the Lupron tonight. Speaking of Lupron, yes, I got it all on time. Unfortunately none of it was covered, but hey, it was worth a shot anyway. Ya win some, ya lose some right? As long as the result of this FET is a BFP, then I'll be a happy happy girl. :)

I've had a nice long break from needles and not having a nightly "injection curfew". So I'm thankful that at least I got a break and my body had time to heal and get back to normal. Now all I have to do is throw some exercise back into the schedule and eat a little better and my body will be a holy temple for these embies!

So it looks like we're looking at the third or fourth week of February for the transfer. Now I can only pray that both our frozen babies defrost without issues!

Pharmacy Aggravation

So, for my last FET waaaay back in October, it never even dawned on me to try to have my meds go thru insurance. I had been "told" that I didn't have coverage for IVF meds so I just used Fertility Pharmacy and paid out of pocket. It cost us about $700 which in terms of meds is not that bad... we're all rolling our eyes at this, yet we all understand right?

Anywhoo, fast forward to 2 weeks ago... the start of FET #2. This time I thought to myself... I have the time, why don't we just give this a shot in the dark and SEE if the meds MIGHT get approved. I mean, technically these aren't IVF meds... they're FET meds...

So cross your fingers... apparently getting approval for this is taking a mega long time. Not sure if that's a good sign or a bad one. But I've had to call Cigna Tel Drug SEVERAL times to check on the "status" of my order and was supposed to have the meds by tomorrow. Which is clearly not happening between this stupid snow storm AND the fact that they are still waiting on prior authorization. Ugh. It's just never easy.

If for some reason the meds don't get approved, i'll then have to transfer the Rx to Freedom since they supposedly have the lowest prices... which I'll then probably have to call them a million times...

And they tell people not to be stressed with infertility? Really???

OK rant over.

PS - for all of you that have to do this dance that i've had to do with the pharmacy and insurance company, try to pad your timeline as much as possible. I don't actually need the meds until Monday, the 27th. Thank god I lied to them and said I needed everything tomorrow or who knows when I'd get everything.

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

Looking back, i never thought we would be going thru this process for such a long time. Over two years of trying to make a human being without success. Going thru these cycles hasn't been easy. Especially because the schedule you have to be on requires certain timing of doctors appts, injections, etc. I basically haven't had a social life in a really really long time. We haven't made any long term plans, we haven't taken any vacations because I never know where I'll be in the middle of a medication cycle. Most of these meds have to be refrigerated, so that's posed issues too (a la bringing a lunch box full of shots to the Jets game).

I start my next FET cycle in 2 weeks. And I can't tell you how nice it has been to have these past 2 months off. I can go to dinner with my girlfriends and not have to leave at a certain time, I can make plans to do things at night and not have to worry about shots. Our weekends are free to do whatever we please.

Until the 27th. When it all starts again. When i become a slave to the IVF/FET schedule.

Already, I have my group of girlfriends trying to plan a lunch for a weekend in February. And my cousins who've invited us up to Boston for a weekend in April... and while I know that having no life for the benefit of staying on my medication schedule is in my own best interests, it just totally sucks.

So ya know what? I'm going to have to be the "flaky" friend for now. I'm not going to be the person that doesn't make plans because I don't know where I will be in my cycle. I'm not going to be the person that doesn't plan a trip because I don't know if I'll have a dr appt, transfer, procedure that weekend.

I need to live my life. And if I have to "reschedule" along the way, then so be it. I have to stop putting our lives on hold and be more flexible. Though I did already tell hubby that we have to stay home for the Superbowl so i can shoot myself up. LOL.

*s

Healing.

as my body heals from the surgery and the endo removal and busted tube,

i'm putting my faith in Him.

Happy 2014 loves!

**s**

ps. follow up with RE next wednesday to see what's next!