Scared & Nervous...

Had some cramping mid morning, and went into the bathroom around lunchtime and bam, was bleeding from the hoo ha... It's definitely more than light spotting... TMI but a clot definitely came out... and 3 hours later, went again and another clot...  if i wasn't pregnant, i'd totally be thinking this is the start of my period... ugh.

Called the dr and they said to increase my progesterone to 1.5cc even though my numbers looked good. And if the bleeding continues to go into the office for monitoring tomorrow morning...

I had just downloaded some pregnancy apps for my phone last night. I think I totally jinxed myself. :(

Just praying and praying to God that this is nothing and goes away. How the hell are you supposed to stay stress free when crap like this happens is beyond me. At the end of the day, I'm not the one in control, but this is definitely scaring me.

hoping this baby holds on for the ride...

*s

Sometimes I Get Paranoid...

well, here i am... exactly 5 weeks along today. Still super early, i know. most normal fertile people are just about finding out at this point.

over the weekend and into monday i was pretty much feeling totally normal. no "symptoms", even though the symptoms i was having are mostly from the injectable hormones...

tuesday morning i went in for beta #3... everything was fine, i felt good, felt confident, then went off to work as usual...

for the past two betas they've called me relatively quickly... much earlier than they did when just calling to let me know what dosages of delestrogen/PIO to take... so i was expecting a call around lunchtime.

lunchtime came. lunchtime went. 1pm came and went. 2 pm came and went.
and in came the paranoia.

"maybe the dr is just busier than usual today... OR maybe they lost my bloodwork... OR maybe they forgot to test for Hcg... OR maybe my numbers didn't rise... OR maybe i'm not pregnant anymore and they don't want to tell me the bad news!"

ACK... a girl can seriously drive herself NUTSO (which i totally obviously did).

so by 2:30 i was pretty much convinced it was horrible news #dramaqueen, and my phone rang.

beta #1: 160
beta #2: 562
beta #3: 2232!!!

so the doubling times were perfect and everything is hopefully growing as it should! Phew! Our first ultrasound is Monday so we'll see what's in there!

growing a human is hard work!

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On the Rise

Beta #2 is in, and the numbers have more than doubled. Wahoo. Latest round is 562. So for now this baby(s) is sticking around. So happy and relieved. Beta #3 will be on Tuesday. If all goes well with that, I'll drop from bi-weekly appointments to just weekly ones.

However, in the meantime I've been having an allergic reaction to the PIO. They think it might be the sesame oil, so we're switching to ethyl oleate. Hopefully the giant hive/mosquito bite lookin thing on my backside will go away soon (and stop itching). I feel like Al Bundy walking around scratching my ass all day long.

So, should we take bets on whether we think there are 1 or 2 bambinos in there?

Happy Friday!

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The Post I Never Thought I'd Get to Write...

i.am.pregnant.

  wow, just seeing those words written there are giving me butterflies in my stomach. after 6 months of trying on our own, 9 IUI's, 1 IVF, and 2 FETs, not to mention dozens of tests, hundreds of blood draws, and i don't even want to think about how many injections... it finally worked. 2.5 years and finally a diagnosis of endometriosis. and finally for the very first time in my entire life, the most coveted pretty 2 pink lines i ever saw.

  in all honesty, i started POAS on Saturday (5dp5dt) and saw a very very very light line. i went in and showed hubby and he was like, that's not a line! so i POAS at night and the line was a teeny weeny bit darker. And we started to have a little hope. Sunday, i POAS again, and was disappointed to see BARELY that faint, am i hallucinating line again. By Sunday afternoon, i switched brands of tests. I was using some no name tiny strip sticks i got off amazon that IMO suck.

  i peed on a First Response Early Result test and walked out to play with the dog while i waited the 3 min. in the meantime hubby went in the bathroom, and yells, how long do you have to wait for the test? i go, 3 minutes and it hasn't even been a full minute yet.... he comes out with a giant grin and says well you already have a second very visible line!

the top tests are the ones i got off amazon... the big one is the first response test.

  So i pretty much knew that we had a good shot of being pregnant when i went in for beta this morning. i was just nervous to hear the #s especially since today i'm only 8dp5dt so its a day earlier then they usually test. but since i always go on tuesdays for delestrogen/progesterone levels, they said they could do it one day early, but not to be alarmed if my #s were a bit low. which, it was 160 today. i have no idea if that's high or low, so i guess we'll see what it is for Beta 2 which is Friday.

we have a long road ahead of us, i know this. but just seeing that second line gives me hope. hope that it really was just the endo keeping me from ever getting pregnant and that we have a shot at having a biological family. #thankyoujesus #bfp

at least 90 more IM shots. bring it on!

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4dp5dt and trying to relax

TGIF my friends!

Even though I had off Monday and worked from home Tuesday, this week has still dragged by!

First, I have not succumb to becoming a POAS addict yet. Though the box of test strips did arrive in the mail during the week and are waiting on the bathroom counter for me to cave in and peeeee.
I just figured it's still a bit early. Maybe by Sunday (6dp5dt), we'll see if I even remember when I first wake up. Cuz really, who's even REALLY awake and thinking "i have to get a cup to collect my piss"... well, maybe some of you... hehehe...

Second, the mind f*ck that is the "2ww" has returned. Did I feel something? Did I not? Was that a twinge, pinch, cramp, gas bubble, alien probe, my overactive imagination? Speaking of gas bubbles... holy geez. I'm not sure if its dancing babies implanting, side effects of PIO/delestrogen or the fact that i've been drinking fruit smoothies everyday since transfer that has my insides filling up with air. But holy geez. Cropdusting at work is NOT smexy. (i kid, i kid! and yes, i used a honey boo boo word. guilty pleasure, i LOVE that show).

word!

Obviously, we're hoping it was the FIRST of those options. Cuz come on, we REALLY need some dancing babies in my belly!

Flashback Friday: Ally McBeal!

Other than that, i get pretty crampy every night around 9:30-10... again, not sure if that's a side effect of all the PIO i've been shooting into my backside, but i'm trying to believe its the above happening.

4 more days of torture and then we'll know.

Ooga Chaka...

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And now we wait.

Transfer day was yesterday... and our last 2 snow babies were defrosted and put in. I was SO nervous that they would both make it since last time we lost 1 in the thaw.

But, everything went so smoothly (thank you baby Jesus) and the giant snowstorm we were supposed to get miraculously turned out to be a huge dud!

I drank the perfect amount of water this time (though i did think i was going to piss myself by the end of it)

So now its time for them to marinate cook attach themselves (please!) and start growing! Hopefully in 10 9 days, I'll have some good news to report!

*s

Preggos Everywhere!

Wow this week in blogland there have been so many people with BFP's and the "normal" girls without IF problems announcing their news... this is seriously more than a girl can handle! BUT... I am trying to just stay positive and think to myself, "I'm next". I'll be the next one to make my announcement and finally have some happy news to share. This.Is.It.

And to ease my fears of our transfer being cancelled due to polar vortex storm #376 of the year, i was assured that the Somerset office never closes. Like EVER. Apparently they were even open during Hurricane Sandy, which is kind of amazing since i didn't have power for over a week. Or gas. Or food. Or heat. But you know, that's water under the bridge at this point. According to our celebrity status hungry governor, we are stronger than the storm. My IVF clinic apparently was, i don't know about the rest of the state.

OK so where was i? Ah, yes, trying to channel my inner calm and positivity to proclaim that this will work. Can i get an "amen"?

Oh yeah, and thoughts on if i should let myself become a crazy obsessive POAS girl for this cycle? For the past (almost) 3 years, I've always tested the day i'm supposed to go for bloodwork for results and never obsessively beforehand. But i feel this strange need to order some sticks and start at like 5dp5dt... thoughts chickies? Will this make me feel better or worse? Will i be more prepared or more depressed? What should I do?

Happy Friday lovelies!
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