Stop the Madness!

Mini rant time. geez, i've been doing a lot of that lately, is it the hormones perhaps?

If I see or hear about another person (be it celebrity or not) that is pregnant this week, someone is getting punched.

• Kristin Cavalleri is expecting baby no 2.
• Kerry Washington shows off her bump.
• Kendra Wilkinson is preggers.
• and on and on and on. see below some peeps i dont even know are making headlines.

STOP THE MADNESS!!!!

Guess we'll find out next week if I can finally be the one to make that announcement...

One. More.Week.

of torture.

oh and you should see the bruises that have taken residence on my ass.

does anyone else bruise so easily?

happy halloween!

*S

Transfer and Rant

So, yesterday was our FET and all started out great. I got up early and was off to acupuncture. Dr L added some extra needles so I truly looked like a voodoo doll with needles sticking out everywhere. After that, Mr. Miyagi came in and did some crazy massage thing on my stomach area. Well it sort of went lower than the general stomach area, totally thought I was going to get a happy ending or something, but he wasn't pervy, just hitting pressure points around my uterus and ovaries, i think...

Once that was over, I was on my way back home. It was kind of a PITA that I had to drive all the way out to Princeton on a day I didn't even have work, but that's usually how these things work out. On my way, I made the executive decision to stop at Dunkin Donuts and get myself 6 donuts some treats.

Jets donut

At 11am, I checked in and called the embryology lab. Apparently they had to thaw 3 embies to get 2. Who knew, its only an 80% survival rate when they thaw/defrost the embryos. So I was kind of sad about that... Another baby gone... Do you guys consider your embryos your babies already? I do, and just felt sad that that one wouldn't have a chance at life. But I was happy that we still had 2 great looking ones to transfer.

So here's where the rant starts. We had to be there by noon. So we get in the car at 11:20 and get on our way. About 3 minutes on the road, hubby tells me he's hungry and he needs to stop and pick up a sandwich. UMMMM? REALLY? There is no time allotted for food stops in our trip. Now he's going on and on about how he thought he couldn't be in the room when I had the procedure... Nooooo, that was for the RETRIEVAL you idiot, NOT the transfer. So what happens? We stop at the local deli. And they take FOR-EV-ER to make an egg sandwich. At this point, I am in the car FUMING because at this point we're going to be late. Like really late. Once he finally gets back in the car (and I am now driving) the fighting starts. So needless to say we fought about everything from my driving skills (yes, i was speeding to try to get us there faster), the fact that I felt like he was selfish for not waking up earlier to eat a proper breakfast when he KNEW we had an appointment, and then I brought up the fact that I wished he didn't even have to come and I would do this on my own, like I've done everything for the past 2 years of treatments on my own. Yup, I went there. The hormones made me do it.

Here's the backstory to my comment. When we first started this process, hubby had the attitude of "i can't have the baby, it's not MY body, therefore what you have to do is YOUR problem". We had many many fights where I complained of him not being supportive enough. Of the 9 IUI's we did, I went to about 5 of them ALONE. Some of them were due to his work schedule, fine. But some of them were because he was "tired" from work and didn't want to wake up early to be bothered to go with me. Are your ears steaming reading this? My husband is not a bad guy. He works extremely hard for us. He commutes to Manhattan (2 hours each way) and works 2-3 extra double shifts a week. Often, he's working so much he sleeps on a cot sweet air mattress at work because he doesn't have enough time to commute home in between shifts. So I don't want to make him out to be this... evil person. But... in the beginning, and for a long time, he just didn't get it. I mean, what man REALLY does? They're not the ones getting violated everyday by the dildo cam, or sticking themselves with needles all the time, or being late to work because of morning dr appts. Once we finally started the IVF process, I think he finally started to get it. And he was awesome. Sympathetic, supportive, overly nice. Of course by that point, I was pretty bitter. His words of "Put your big girl panties on" still echoed through my head. But things have been going smoothly. Until yesterday.

Sorry for the rant, just needed to vent... I'm sure we'll make up and I can only hope that my hormones chill the fuck out and I can control the evil shit that spews from my mouth. And I hope that hubby realizes that making us stop to get him a breakfast sandwich was TOTALLY SELFISH!(Because it was!) So much for not being stressed out! Sheesh. I've been practicing my Zen breathing all morning.

Anyway, 2 embies were transferred successfully. Dr. D was a "perfectionist" according to the nurses, always something that's good to hear... so in the meantime, please pray that these babies implant... and let's also pray that the Jets win on Sunday since their horrendous loss had a lot to do with his piss poor mood yesterday, I'm sure of it. LOL. You'd think he was on his period or injecting himself with hormones or something... good grief.

Happy Tuesday!
*S

Shiny Happy People

I came across this article this morning called "12 Things Happy People Do Differently". I decided to take a minute to read it (and you should too) because I feel that as an infertile, there are so many things about our experience that can really get us down, make us depressed and cause us pain. And yes, some of it is the millions of hormones we're pumping ourselves full of. And everyone has their bad days...

but generally, are you a happy, positive person?

I like to think I am, but I know there are some things I can definitely work on. During this FET cycle, I've really tried to have an upbeat and positive attitude. Of course getting stabbed in the ass with a 2" needle, sort of makes one "desperate", but knowing the odds are in my favor (yes, said in the Hunger Games voice) for this cycle because we're doing an FET is really helping to boost my attitude. I've been optimistic in the past -- 9 IUI's ago; and it's true I didn't get the desired results. But, at this point, I would just rather be a happy person than a miserable one.

Does this process suck? Ab-sa-fucking-lutely...

But can we (and by we I mean all you STRONG women out there, and you all are) get through this and come out achieving our dreams? Ab-sa-fucking-lutely (ok, more like definitely maybe, but I'm trying...)

So Happy 2 ass shots Thursday and have a great day!
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Lining Check and a Date

Per the dildo cam from yesterday morning, my lining is at 8.2... from what i've read that's plenty thick enough for transfer...

And the date of our FET is going to be October 28th. I was sort of hoping for Friday the 25th so I could veg on the couch watching any kind of Housewives or SVU marathon all weekend, but apparently the lab was booked up that day... I am thankful transfer day won't be Halloween, i don't want a devil child being created inside me. LOL

So, another delestrogen shot Monday night and then Tuesday we start the dreaded PIO shots... which will continue for the next 10 days after transfer and HOPEFULLY the next 3 months (please, please, please).

Happy Friday lovelies!
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Sunshine!

 

Well guess what? The SWEET adorable Aubrey nominated me for this award! This Award is given to bloggers whose posts brighten your day.

 

The rules are as follows:

1. Include the Sunshine Award icon in your post
2. Link to the person who nominated you.
3. Answer 10 questions about yourself
4. Nominate 10 bloggers to receive the award
5. Link your nominees and let them know they’ve been nominated. 

 

Here are Aubrey's questions and my answers:

 

1) Why do you blog, and will you continue to blog when (I'm being positive for ALL of you!!) you get pregnant/have a baby(ies)?

 

I blog here at The IF Journey AND at Sweet Silver Linings (non-fertility related) because it's a way for me to vent (IF will make you MAD!) and share, collaborate, and connect with all of you! I think especially for IF, having other people who are going thru what you are going thru is such a big comfort. More so, it's a chance to connect with women and share information, support and hope. And if this FET works which (it will, it will, it will) I hope it does, I absolutely plan on blogging about my pregnancy and future twins triplets baby!

 

2) What do you do for work (I'm always curious to know what everyone does all day long!)?

 

I work for a small medical communications company as a graphic designer. OK, my official title is Creative Director, but it's a graphic designer. LOL Let's be real. Ironically, one of our biggest clients has me creating posters about IVF and ART, so I can educate myself at work! The flip side of our clients deal with male issues, and let's just say, I've seen some pretty interesting photos of certain body parts that should never be bent at the angles they are bent at. Bad mental image? Yes.

 

I also have a freelance graphic design company on the side, where I design everything from logos to business cards to websites. 

 

3) What would you say is the best piece of advice for someone who is just beginning their journey in the land of infertility?

 

Read all our blogs! I mean, that's a given right? But seriously, I'd say educate yourself as much as possible, and make sure you are your own advocate. Ask your doctor a million and one questions, cover all your bases, bug your insurance companies to see what's covered and not.

 

4) What would you say is the best piece of advice for someone who is not going through infertility, but who doesn't know what to say to someone who is?

 

Don't be judgmental. One of my best friends made a comment to me about how people who had to do fertility treatments, that was God's way of telling them that they don't DESERVE children. At the time, I hadn't started fertility treatments, but I still felt like it was such a rude ignorant comment. Once I began treatments, I certainly didn't bother telling my friend about them, knowing her opinion. Yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but if you don't have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself. 

 

Oh yeah, and stop telling me to "Just relax". I AM RELAXED DAMMIT. DON'T I SEEM RELAXED TO YOU! (kidding).

 

5) What is the item of clothing you want to buy most for this fall season?

 

I'm eyeing a couple pairs of booties as we speak!

How cute are these?

 

 

 

6) What is your biggest pet peeve?

 

Hmmmm

• when hubby doesn't change the roll on the toilet paper, and sets the new roll on TOP of the old roll and holder
• when the timer is not cleared on the microwave
• when the dog snores in my ear when i'm trying to sleep (this may be because he insists on sleeping on my pillow at night. #spoiled)

 

7) If you won the lottery, what would be the FIRST thing you'd do?

 

Buy a house. Hands down. OK, a close second would be to buy this bag... ok i know i don't really need to win the lottery to buy this bag. But, it was either buy the bag or pay for cycle meds.... guess the meds won out.

 

8) What is your middle name?

 

Lynn

 

9) Where would you live if you could move to anywhere you wanted in the whole wide world?

 

honestly, i know people make fun of Jersey, but i love it here... so i'd probably stay right where i am. though having a second house in paris or milan would be pretty nice too!

 

10) How many siblings do you have - are you the youngest, middle child, oldest or an only child?

 

I have 1 younger brother. We're both adopted, so not blood siblings. But he's the one and only brother that I know of that I've got, so I think I'll keep him! :P

And here are my nominees...

1. Starting Our Family
2. In Due Time
3. NatJezz Crawford
4. Welcome to My Uterus
5. The Juice is Worth the Squeeze

6-10 are any of my other followers that would like to participate! :)

*s

Nothing new to report...

So far, just chugging along. Delestrogen shot #3 was last night and it's starting to hurt like a biatch... I guess the higher the dosage, the more you're shooting yourself up with. Although it's definitely uncomfortable, it's definitely easier when someone else is doing the jabbing. I basically just close my eyes and brace myself. Though hubby tricked me last night by counting and then jabbing it in on "2" instead of after "3". LOL Not that it matters, I wasn't mad or anything. I find the actual needle to be minimal discomfort, it's more so AFTER once the medication is in the muscle and has to disperse.

Sitting on the heating pad definitely helps though! I'm just trying to keep up a positive attitude and say, "If this will give us our tiny miracle, i would do this a million times over".

So keep on truckin'... it's all we can do.

*s

sorry this post was so boring today... there's not much to say when you're in the waiting period... hopefully we get a transfer date on Thursday!

Shot thru the Heart...er.. Butt and you're to blame

Baby, you give love, a bad name! Whoo! Just had to finish singing!
Sorry, jersey girl + bon jovi = true love. You know how it goes...

anyhoo. back to update you's (another jersey phrase) on my shot to da booty last night... which turned out...... FINE!

yes, FINE!

Now. Granted. It was ONLY 0.2 cc and it was only my first one. so it could totally get worse from here. but at least i know what to expect and know that i CAN get through this. even if (and god willing) i get preggers (dare i even say that) and i have 3 MONTHS of shots ahead of me... I CAN DO THIS!

the funniest part was my hubby was all gung ho to be a sadist finally able to help me. and then he saw the needle. and saw where he had to put it. not so much in the toosh as in the.... the... muffin top area? is that a good description of where my sharpie drawn targets are?

cue following convo:
him:  how is this possible? i am totally going to hit your BONE if i put this all the way in, in that spot? i thought this was supposed to be your butt?!
me: i don't know. the nurse drew the circles, just aim there. i don't think there's bone!
him: are you positive? i think there's bone, there's gotta be a bone in there.
me: dude, you're freaking me out, just do it. just put it in! they wouldn't tell me to do it there if it wasn't gonna go all the way in!
him: okaaaaaay. [pauses] BUT if i hit bone, you better not get mad at me!

and in went the needle. all the way. and didn't hit any bones.
and it wasn't that bad. did it pinch? sure. was it awful? not really. i think it hurt more once he actually injected the medication. that made me yelp and "ow" a bit.

I had sat on the heating pad for about 10 minutes prior to and 10 minutes post injection. and like i said compared to 1 cc of anything, this was a very minor amount of medication.

but at least the fear of the unknown is over and i know what to expect. it's not all rainbows and unicorns. but it's certainly not AS painful as i was imagining myself screaming and writhing in absolute agony (yup. overdramatic like a jersey housewife flippin tables).

so there ya have it. i survived. numero dos shot on thursday will be given to me by a good friend who is a nurse anesthetist and a fellow IVF/FET-er so she knows the drill.

*s