Mug Swappin'...

So I haven't posted an update in a while (and hope to get to that soon) but in the meantime,
wanted to get my Mug Swap post up.

I was paired up with JoJo from JoJo's Infertile World...
her and I went thru a cycle (her IVF and me FET) together recently, so we've been chatting a bit. 

Anyway, guys girls, she sent me the BEST mug...
adorable, amazeballs, like it, love it, gotta have it... oh wait, i do!

See, i don't lie!

So THANK YOU JoJo! I really hope we both get our miracles soon!

Thanks to Jessah over at Dreaming of Dimples for putting the swap together!

*S

Stork Award

I was pleasantly surprised to see a nomination for an award today! Go check out Stephanie's blog when you have a minute and say hi!

Click here to read the description of the award.

How it works:

1. Include the Stork Award icon in your post.
2. Link to the person(s) who nominated you.
3. Answer 10 questions about yourself.
4. Nominate as many bloggers as you want to receive the award.
5. Ask your nominees 10 new questions.
6. Link your nominees and let them know they've been nominated.
7. Post the Stork Award icon on your blog side bar if you are so inclined.

Stephanie's Questions:


What is your favorite band/musician?
 Gosh... I am a music junkie. My computer is filled with so much different music that it's impossible to name one person/band. Some of my favorites include Jason Mraz, One Republic, Carrie Underwood, Jay-Z, Lady Gaga... and the list goes on...

What do you like most about yourself?
 I like that I'm a really friendly and caring person. I like that I can usually find the silver lining in every situation (hence my other aka non infertility related blog name).

What quality/qualities did you find in your husband that attracted you to him?
 Well first off, he's a hottie! LOL well to me anyway. But besides his dashing good looks, he had a GREAT sense of humor and still does. Also, he wanted the same things in his life/future that I was looking for in mine, minus being a lifelong #1 NY Jets fanatic. LOL which i guess i'm stuck with now. hehehe.

If you are a working woman, do you really truly like your job?
 I am a working woman, who funny enough have quite a good career. I say funny enough because I never really wanted a career per say. But over the years, I've worked hard and it's paid off. Do I truly like my job? Yes. I work for a small med comm company as a graphic designer (Creative Director to sound importante). It's got its ups and downs, but really its a decent company with decent pay and benefits and most importantly, let's me blog during work. LOL jk, not really.

Do you have any fears (heights, spiders, dark, etc)?
 Hmmm... I used to be super scared of puking. I made it years without a drunken puking incident. And then my stomach switched sides on me and now I've gotten over that fear. Of course scary spiders and bugs scare the crap out of me... especially when I'm driving and they appear crawling near me. But serious fears? Not being able to be a mom. That's now definitely one of my biggest fears.


What are your favorite types of movies (comedy, drama, action, scary, romantic comedies, etc)? 
 I'm not a huge movie person... opposite of the hubs. But obviously I'm a girly girl, so romantic comedies are at the top, comedy and then drama. Scary movies, thanks but no thanks. Hubs works a lot of nights so I pass on scary movies and having to check my shower for serial killers every night.

If you could be an animal for a day, what you you be and why? 
 A dog. DUH! Or maybe a hamster. Sometimes they run so fast on that wheel it just looks like fun.

If you won the lottery, what is the first thing that you would buy?
 Geez, this is a loaded question. A lifetime supply of fertility treatments? A baby? Can you "buy" a baby? A surrogate in case I can't carry a baby? A new house?

What is the next thing on your "to do" list?
 Call the dr to let them know AF has officially arrived as of this morning. Fun shit. And to go food shopping. Fridge is looking pretty empty and sad right now.

What is your favorite childhood memory?
 I can't pin point one. But growing up with my brother and cousins, my mom used to watch all of us during the summers and take us to Six Flags Great Adventure. Those were some pretty great times.


OK here are my questions for you ladies!

1. What is your least favorite household chore to do?
2. Do you have any pet peeves? If so what are they?
3. What is your favorite holiday?
4. If you could spend a day with any celebrity, who would it be?
5. What is your favorite US city?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. If you were stranded on a desert island, what 3 things would you want to have?
8. What is your favorite season?
9. What is your most essential beauty item?
10. What are your favorite girl/boy names?

Here are my nominees:
Jessah at Dreaming of Dimples
Caroline at In Due Time
Aubrey at Two Hearts and One Dream
JoJo at JoJo's Infertile World
Sausha at Welcome to my Uterus

OK, gotta call my dr and see what's next up on our journey now that AF has arrived.

*s

And the call came...

Of course, while I was out to lunch with the "friend" that doesn't know I'm going thru all this. Guess that tuna sandwich from Subway was totally in vain.

Anyway, let me cut to the chase.

BFFN.

i think i'm just numb right now. i almost sounded robotic on the phone with the dr. he said stop the injections, expect af in the next week or two and make a follow up appt.

awesome.

i think in the meantime i'm going to try to get a consult for a second opinion. short of genetic embryo testing, which at this pt we only have 2 embryos left... there HAS to be some reason why they aren't implanting. don't tell me that everything about me on paper looks perfect. there has got to be something missing... this is probably the most frustrating part of this process....

signing off now, as i have nothing good left to say...

*s

Not Good Vibes

So today started okayyyy... and i know it's only 10:40 am so the day hasn't even really started... so i guess i mean, i felt ok when i woke up. Though it wasn't a restful sleep because my behind is starting to really ache from these shots. I also haven't been dilligent about using the heating pad at night, so probably my own fault.

On my way in to the dr's office for my blood draw, hubby calls to tell me he got a $95 parking ticket. UGH. Just what we need. Piss more money away. Awesome (totally sarcastic, as if you couldn't tell). So I was super annoyed about that. Yes, i understand that he is working 3 extra shifts every week and busting his ass. I get it. So the fact that he wanted to drive in this morning instead of bus'ing it is understandable. HOWEVER, the fact that he thinks he can just park his car in a no parking zone so he can "run in" to get McDonalds is just dumb. I told him I hope he enjoys his $95 McDonalds breakfast sandwich and that it was worth it.

Then the nurse this morning wasn't one of my regulars. I think she's semi-new at the clinic. But just not very friendly. She didn't even MENTION the fact that they are doing the pregnancy test in the bloodwork today?! OK, so is that a bad sign??? LOL I don't know... no good luck, or we'll call you later... she just doesn't say ANYTHING...

And now, at work and i'm hit with a TON of deadlines (all today/tomorrow) for about 9 projects and feel like i'm going to be totally super stressed all day. So I'm basically in an "i hate everyone" mood.

I can only HOPE and PRAY for some good news this afternoon. But I'm now in a horrible mood and feel like it's only going to be more bad news. SO much for positive thinking...

Oh and this was my daily reading this morning from my book "Jesus Calling".... not even sure how to take this...

Worship Me in the beauty of holiness. All true beauty reflects some of who I AM. I am working My ways in you: the divine Artist creating loveliness within your being. My main work is to clear out debris and clutter, making room for My Spirit to take full possession. Collaborate with Me in this effort by being willing to let go of anything I choose to take away. I know what you need, and I have promised to provide all of that - abundantly!
Your sense of security must not rest in your possessions or in things going your way. I am training you to depend on Me alone, finding fulfillment in My Presence. This entails being satisfied with much or with little, accepting either as My will for the moment. Instead of grasping and controlling, you are learning to release and receive. Cultivate this receptive stance by trusting Me in every situation.

Soooo, for now, all i can do is try to trust God and know our future is in His hands... it's hard, but i'm trying.

*S

The Longest Wait...

So here we are, just 4 days away from Beta #1. Nervous would be an understatement. Is it me or is this waiting period the most torturous part of this journey? I mean, talk about a mind f*ck. Do I feel differently? Hard to say... some days I do, some days I don't. Some days, I feel like its the meds, some days I feel like I'm just a crazy person inventing symptoms in my head because I'm so desperate to feel SOMETHING, ANYTHING! Give me the worst morning sickness ever! Bring it on Mother Nature! I will bow down to the Porcelain Goddess every damn day if it means that these babies have implanted and are growing away in my backwards, upside down uterus!

And no, i haven't given into the temptation of POAS. Though, i like this option:

And just for the record, i'm asian and cannot solve the Rubix Cube to save my life. #epicfail.

But seriously... would you POAS or just wait it out til Thursday? Thoughts?
Oh and is anyone else having crazy crazy PIO/estrogen induced dreams?

*S

Stop the Madness!

Mini rant time. geez, i've been doing a lot of that lately, is it the hormones perhaps?

If I see or hear about another person (be it celebrity or not) that is pregnant this week, someone is getting punched.

• Kristin Cavalleri is expecting baby no 2.
• Kerry Washington shows off her bump.
• Kendra Wilkinson is preggers.
• and on and on and on. see below some peeps i dont even know are making headlines.

STOP THE MADNESS!!!!

Guess we'll find out next week if I can finally be the one to make that announcement...

One. More.Week.

of torture.

oh and you should see the bruises that have taken residence on my ass.

does anyone else bruise so easily?

happy halloween!

*S

Transfer and Rant

So, yesterday was our FET and all started out great. I got up early and was off to acupuncture. Dr L added some extra needles so I truly looked like a voodoo doll with needles sticking out everywhere. After that, Mr. Miyagi came in and did some crazy massage thing on my stomach area. Well it sort of went lower than the general stomach area, totally thought I was going to get a happy ending or something, but he wasn't pervy, just hitting pressure points around my uterus and ovaries, i think...

Once that was over, I was on my way back home. It was kind of a PITA that I had to drive all the way out to Princeton on a day I didn't even have work, but that's usually how these things work out. On my way, I made the executive decision to stop at Dunkin Donuts and get myself 6 donuts some treats.

Jets donut

At 11am, I checked in and called the embryology lab. Apparently they had to thaw 3 embies to get 2. Who knew, its only an 80% survival rate when they thaw/defrost the embryos. So I was kind of sad about that... Another baby gone... Do you guys consider your embryos your babies already? I do, and just felt sad that that one wouldn't have a chance at life. But I was happy that we still had 2 great looking ones to transfer.

So here's where the rant starts. We had to be there by noon. So we get in the car at 11:20 and get on our way. About 3 minutes on the road, hubby tells me he's hungry and he needs to stop and pick up a sandwich. UMMMM? REALLY? There is no time allotted for food stops in our trip. Now he's going on and on about how he thought he couldn't be in the room when I had the procedure... Nooooo, that was for the RETRIEVAL you idiot, NOT the transfer. So what happens? We stop at the local deli. And they take FOR-EV-ER to make an egg sandwich. At this point, I am in the car FUMING because at this point we're going to be late. Like really late. Once he finally gets back in the car (and I am now driving) the fighting starts. So needless to say we fought about everything from my driving skills (yes, i was speeding to try to get us there faster), the fact that I felt like he was selfish for not waking up earlier to eat a proper breakfast when he KNEW we had an appointment, and then I brought up the fact that I wished he didn't even have to come and I would do this on my own, like I've done everything for the past 2 years of treatments on my own. Yup, I went there. The hormones made me do it.

Here's the backstory to my comment. When we first started this process, hubby had the attitude of "i can't have the baby, it's not MY body, therefore what you have to do is YOUR problem". We had many many fights where I complained of him not being supportive enough. Of the 9 IUI's we did, I went to about 5 of them ALONE. Some of them were due to his work schedule, fine. But some of them were because he was "tired" from work and didn't want to wake up early to be bothered to go with me. Are your ears steaming reading this? My husband is not a bad guy. He works extremely hard for us. He commutes to Manhattan (2 hours each way) and works 2-3 extra double shifts a week. Often, he's working so much he sleeps on a cot sweet air mattress at work because he doesn't have enough time to commute home in between shifts. So I don't want to make him out to be this... evil person. But... in the beginning, and for a long time, he just didn't get it. I mean, what man REALLY does? They're not the ones getting violated everyday by the dildo cam, or sticking themselves with needles all the time, or being late to work because of morning dr appts. Once we finally started the IVF process, I think he finally started to get it. And he was awesome. Sympathetic, supportive, overly nice. Of course by that point, I was pretty bitter. His words of "Put your big girl panties on" still echoed through my head. But things have been going smoothly. Until yesterday.

Sorry for the rant, just needed to vent... I'm sure we'll make up and I can only hope that my hormones chill the fuck out and I can control the evil shit that spews from my mouth. And I hope that hubby realizes that making us stop to get him a breakfast sandwich was TOTALLY SELFISH!(Because it was!) So much for not being stressed out! Sheesh. I've been practicing my Zen breathing all morning.

Anyway, 2 embies were transferred successfully. Dr. D was a "perfectionist" according to the nurses, always something that's good to hear... so in the meantime, please pray that these babies implant... and let's also pray that the Jets win on Sunday since their horrendous loss had a lot to do with his piss poor mood yesterday, I'm sure of it. LOL. You'd think he was on his period or injecting himself with hormones or something... good grief.

Happy Tuesday!
*S