Conundrums

So where do I start? When we first started our TTC journey, there weren't too many people that we told. Sure, some friends knew that we were "trying" and I was naieve enough to think that we would get pregnant right away. After about 6 months of trying on our own and then going to get checked by the RE, we told a few more people that we were doing Clomid and IUI. We thought IUI would definitely work and just needed the extra "push" of the meds to get us going.

The IUI process for us ended up being a very long one, with half of our cycles being natural, due to cysts and other issues. And along the way, we kept friends up to speed more or less. Though the entire time, I kept quiet about it with my boss at work. Until we started the IVF process and I realized that I would have to say something in case I needed the time off. By then, I'd say a handful of people knew. And I was fine with being open about what I was going through, and the entire process.

Until now.

5 days away from Beta. And my feelings have TOTALLY changed. SIGH. Almost to the point where I wish that no one knew what was going on. I don't know why I'm being so sensitive about it, and I can't even really explain it to hubby, who does not get what the "big deal" is. I just feel like this is something so personal. I mean, first of all, I don't want people talkin bout my girl parts... its just not cool. I don't go around asking people how their penises are... don't ask me how my uterus is! (OK, not literally, but yes, one time, my BIL asked me how were my ovaries feeling?! Like SERIOUSLY?! EW, creep!)

I guess I just feel like these friends are putting pressure on me. And I know that's totally ridiculous to feel. But after everything we've been through, after every failed attempt, after let downs month after month... I know our friends genuinely care and are concerned and want the best for us. I know that. But, if this doesn't work, or if we have a miscarriage (a word hubby doesn't even like me to say, because I am "jinxing" us") then I have to tell everyone THAT too.

So I guess I'm curious to know how anyone else out there has handled this process. Am I crazy for feeling the way I do? How do I handle the situation from here on out when people do ask? There are a couple exceptions to my rule about who I want to know after Beta #1. My mom and 3 friends that have been there with me from Day 1 of this, and who have been through IF treatments. They GET it. I just feel like other people, though they have good intentions, don't.

So far, even though our Beta is Monday, Labor Day, i'm telling people it's not until Friday. Is that wrong of me? I figure by that point, I'll have at least had a second beta and can see if our numbers start doubling. Even then after that Friday, I'm still trying to figure out what to say to people. I'm not ready for congratulations from people that haven't personally dealt with infertility... that sounds so f*cked up. I know... Anyway, sorry for this rambling post, but i'd love to get some responses to this.

*S

3dp5dt

Here we are at Tuesday... i'm feeling a bit antsy today... don't think it's because of the 2ww. Moreso, just not wanting to be at work on a gorgeous day!

Hubby was at the gym today, and found this!

An angel penny! Called me and told me that he knows i'm pregs and it's a sign from God! I sure hope he's right, that would be a great Godwink! If it turns out that I am pregs, I'm going to take the angel penny and make it into a necklace. :) one can only hope!

Other than that, no symptoms present... i've been dutifully taking my estrace, inserting the crinone, and taking my prenatal gummy vits... so doing all I can to hopefully keep these babies marinating. LOL.

Today implantation would be starting, so dig in babies! Monday cannot come soon enough!

*s

Transfer Day!

Transfer day was yesterday. We got the call early Saturday that there were 2 great looking blasts waiting for transfer and 4 (possibly to be 5) that were going to be good to freeze.

our 2 little blasts!

So at 10:30, hubby, ma dukes and I (and a LOT of water) headed to the clinic for the transfer. For some reason, I felt more anxiety going for this procedure than I did on Monday. I don't know why, but I think that knowing this is the last step, and knowing, there's nothing left to do but wait after this, just had me feeling quite anxious.

Luckily, I had an acupuncturist meet me there and the acupuncture really helped to calm me down. She also said that 70% of her patients that did acupuncture in the office at the transfer ended up pregnant. Who knows if that's really true, but it gave us some extra hope!

The procedure itself was... uncomfortable to say the least. I mean, its not like my bladder was super full or anything LOL, but I was DYING on that table trying not to pee all over the doctors. I heard them mention that my uterus was curved so they were having a bit of a hard time getting the catheter to the spot. But they did get it in there and popped my little blasts into place.

And then the inevitable happened.... I had to use..... the bedpan. After drinking more than 32 oz (half gallon) of water in 2 hours, there was no way I was going to be able to hold it anymore. Luckily the nurses are used to this sort of thing, but still semi-embarassing.

After another acupuncture session and laying semi-inverted for 30 minutes it was home for bedrest for the rest of the day (and into today). I think I slept like 20 hours out of sheer boredom! And that's where we are right now. Hopefully these two little bambinos are getting ready to implant themselves and continue to grow. I can only pray and leave it in God's hands at this point!

Day 3 and then there were 9

Called the embryologist bright and early this morning to see if today's Day 3 transfer was happening, and the report was that there are 9 eight-cell embryos, none of which are "perfect" but are all growing about the same and looking about the same. So for now the plan is to hold off and do the transfer on Day 5 to see how they look on Saturday.

I'm relieved that we finally have a solid date/time to get this done!

A few questions going thru my mind... feel free to chime in with answers.

• How many days of bed rest after transfer should i have? pretty sure my clinic says just the day of... though since we're transferring on a saturday, i might as well relax it up on sunday too right? If i do sunday, do i need to be as strict?
• Once they transfer the blasts in, am i "technically" pregnant? I mean, i guess i'm not considering myself "officially" pregnant til at least the first beta -- possibly like the third, but once those blasts are IN my body, is that considered "pregnant"?
• Being that i'll have to wait (up to) 2 weeks for the beta, do i need to do things like not eat sushi, certain cheeses and deli meats? How does that all work?
• How much more acupuncture should i do?

Anyway, i'm sure i'll be googling away from now til saturday morning! LOL!

What Happens After an Embryo Transfer?

Saving this link so i can go back and look at it to see what's going down in my body.
Thanks to Still a Mama Wannabe for posting it for us!

What Happens After an Embryo Transfer?

Retrieval Day

So Sunday i was back at the RE for a quick blood draw and to get instructions for the following morning. I also got another vein blown out, my arms are a "hot mess" as was told to me by my nurse. LOL

Monday, bright and early, we arrived for the procedure... funny enough, i wasn't nervous at all! Which is weird, because usually i would be totally nervous. I attribute it to the acupuncture in really helping my stress levels and helping to relax me.

They brought me to the pre/post op area, went over some things, and started my IV (in the non hot mess arm). Then i kissed hubby good bye and was off to the OR. They laid me down, had me tell them my information and that is the last damn thing i remember!

Next thing i know, i'm waking up back in the post-op area and the procedure was done! Easy freaking peasy! I love anesthesia. LOL. Apparently my hubby thought it would be fun to record my loopiness, as i was drifting in and out. The pain wasn't bad at all, mild cramps, and i was discharged within the hour. We had a small hiccup with my IV when they changed out the bag, they didn't turn the nozzle to direct it into my arm, so it ended up dripping all over my arm for a good 10-15 minutes, so my whole left side was soaked. I kept saying, "i think my arm is wet" but no one was paying attention to the loopy girl! After I finally looked down, because by then i was like, "is my arm bleeding?", the nurse realized what happened and fixed everything.

Now for the good news... we got 14 eggs! And then found out yesterday morning that 12 fertilized. Yay!

Now we have to call tomorrow to see if the embies have progressed enough to do a day 3 transfer (thursday) or if we'll do a day 5 transfer (saturday). i can't believe this is it and i could be pregnant with TWINS no less in the next two weeks. I am PRAYING at least one of those little embies stick... it would really be so amazing.

For now, all i can do is take things day by day... going to the John Mayer concert tonight with some girlfriends. At least that will provide a fun distraction til tomorrow morning!

*S

2 Shots

So today is already 1 day post retrieval. But first I want to backtrack and tell you about the weekend and the last shots I had to do.

I went into the dr on Saturday morning (its sort of a pain to have to go on the weekends because the satellite offices are closed and the main office is about 40 minutes away). But i trekked in there anyway for my blood test. They told me to trigger that night and then to come in Sunday for more bloodwork to make sure the trigger worked. Cool beans...

Off I go to my acupuncture appointment, which is an hour in the opposite direction, and of course as I'm getting out of that appt, the dr calls with the instructions to do the trigger shot, but also to add back in ONLY the follistim. I'm guessing there were a few eggs that they just wanted to try to get a bit larger before the retrieval. This would have all been fine and dandy, except... I didn't have any follistim left! Sooooo, i had to trek all the way back to Somerset to the dr's office so they could give me a Follistim to use, and then I would have to order it from the pharmacy and replace it once I got it. UGH. Have I mentioned that no meds are covered by insurance at all? So $560 for 1 cartridge of Follistim later, I should be getting it delivered today and can replace the one they gave me.

Later that afternoon (after a day of fighter with the hubby, ugh, i won't even get into THAT) we were off to the NY Jets game. My hubby is a Jets FA-NA-TIC. He has season tickets and goes to every game. The new rule for all NFL games is that you can't bring purses into the stadium. And I had a lunch cooler packed with needles and medications! It was surprising that it was relatively easy to get everything in, we just had to get clearance from security, everyone assumed it was diabetes meds... isn't that fun? And we were on our way. I had to do 2 shots. The follistim at 8:30 and the HCG trigger at 10. I was a bit nervous about having to do these out in public, but i figured the Follistim would be simple since it was in a pen, and you basically dial the dose and shoot up.

Here was where we made a "mistake". At 8:30, hubby accompanied me to use the "Family Restroom". Basically a larger private restroom with the toilet, sink and changing table all in one room. This was perfectly ideal. As I was preparing everything, the guy who had been waiting behind us, starts shouting "Come on in there! Hurry up!" and BANGING ON THE DOOR!! Like for reals??? Dude, i am highly hormonal and trying to give myself a shot and you are banging on the door like a child??? Not to mention you have a child in your arms??? And there is a men's room about 500 ft away? OK, so i get thru the shot, put everything away and we open the door. As we are walking past the rude asshole, he has the nerve to say to me, "were you holding it for him?" Well that pretty much set my hubby off. He said, "my wife had to inject medications into herself you f*cking asshole!" and the guy pushes past us (with kid, who was at least 4 or 5) and shuts the door. So my sometimes hot-headed italian hubby kicks the door like the guy had been doing to us! Which then the guy (from the inside) goes apeshit and starts kicking and pounding on the door back! WITH HIS KID INSIDE!!!

I just couldn't even believe it. Security rushes over, and Gary tells him the guy in the bathroom was harassing me and is the one banging on the door from the inside, so they let us go!

It just makes me SO mad that that guy probably had NO problem conceiving his kid and look at what an asshole he is! And what a jerk his kid will probably turn out to be having that guy as a father... life is just not fair sometimes.

I smartened up and went to the first aid station to do the 10pm HCG shot. Being that i had to mix that one, i wasn't taking any chances in getting interrupted. And it went completely smoothly except that one hurt like the dickens.

Sunday I was back at the dr and cleared to go for retrieval on Monday!